Awww, isn't it a cute little . . . Aaargh!!

Continuing in the wonderful world of animals . . .

I have always loved Penguins. When I was a kid, I would have given an awful lot to actually own a penguin. They really seemed like the ideal pet; cute, friendly, and oh so cuddly. I was insanely jealous of Mr. Popper from Mr. Popper's Penguins.

Alas, my parents were too stinking cheap to charter a trip to Antarctica, steal me a penguin and smuggle it into the country. Alternatively, they could have planned and executed some sort of elaborate zoo heist, but didn't want to go to jail. Waa waa waa. Wusses.

Now comes a discovery that makes me wonder if that obsession was all that healthy - giant penguins!

The larger of the two new species, Icadyptes salasi, lived about 36 million years ago on the southern coast of Peru. The skull that was discovered includes an intriguing beak that is almost a foot long.

That might be a little more pet than I had hoped for. Run, Ipecac, Run!

The Atheist's Nightmare

No, it's not Kirk Cameron's Banana. It's yet another instance of Pareidolia, this one a little more interesting than most, manifested in an appearance by Jesus.

Yes, it certainly looks like Jesus. However, unlike appearances on tacos, toast, walls, or trees, I don't think many Christians are lining up to claim this one.

The dog's name is Angus MacDougall, a three-year-old terrier mix.

Children, look away!

According to this site:


Why? Because of the presence of the following words - crap (3x) , kill (2x), suck (1x).

I think it must have just checked the top page of the blog because I'm pretty certain I've used those words more than indicated.

Man, this crap could really kill my blog readership. This sucks.

It's a short range fighter. The Death Star must be nearby.

Thanks to the Angry Astronomer for posting this awesome picture taken as the shuttle left the "International Space Station". Look behind the shuttle's tail off in the distance.

Apparently the US has not only ticked off most of the world, but we've also angered the Galactic Empire. Fortunately, for the moment they seem to be content with just "escorting" our shuttles.

Steve, Don't Eat It!

I don't remember how I stumbled upon this site, but if you've ever wondered what it would be like to eat Beggin Strips, 1991 Urkel-O's, or Silkworm pupas, this is the site for you.

It's not so much gross as grossly hilarious. Steve is a good, very funny writer and you may laugh out loud while reading his adventures in questionable cuisine. Warning for the faint of heart, there is some strong language (the occasional F bomb).

Steve Eats Disgusting Things

Wherever you go . . .

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension is a bizarre movie. It's odd, quirky, strange, and yes, very funny and cool. I am happy I first saw it while in college in a theatre with a college crowd. I hope to watch it with my daughter soon. She won't get it.

What brought this up? A funny "review" and retrospective of the movie recently appeared here: Buckaroo Banzai. It made me want to see this movie again. Did I mention how odd it is?

Frankly, they're a better guide to living than the original ones

In yet another surreal development, the Vatican has issued its 10 Commandments of Driving.

1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.

The only carry over from the original 10 Commandments is "You shall not kill." I presume this means that as long as you're driving, adultery is okay! And coveting. Delicious, delicious coveting.

Number two is a bit odd. "A means of communion between people"? I'm sure the guy hauling ten tons of chicken feed for eighteen hours straight is thrilled to hear this.

Number three seems more like a helpful hint than a Commandment. Six is overly wordy. Number eight seems impractical, cruel and potentially dangerous.

Still, I give the Vatican credit for trying to be helpful. I'd rather them spend their time producing inane driving tips than convincing Africans not to use condoms.

Okay, kids, everybody sing along!

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

Review - Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

I'm not a huge comic book fan. My favorite comic when I was growing up was actually ::cough:: Richie Rich ::cough::. I was never much interested in superhero comic books, although I did watch superhero shows on TV. Consequently, I'm aware of the general facts and origins of the biggees like Spiderman, Batman and Superman, but certainly not all superheroes.

It was thus without much foreknowledge that I saw the first Fantastic Four movie. We saw it at a drive-in which started the movie before it got fully dark so the image was a bit washed out. Still, I more or less enjoyed it. It wasn't fantastic, but it was okay. The melding of Dr. Doom's origin with the origin of the Fantastic Four didn't bother me since I didn't know their origin anyway. My main complaint was that the movie seemed short and lacking a couple of good fight sequences. (Strangely, this was also my major complaint about the first X-Men movie.) Basically, Doom shows up, starts getting aggressive and the FF take him out. End of movie.

I had higher expectations for the sequel, FF:ROSS. The commercials and buzz indicated that they had learned their lesson and ramped things up a notch. Happily, they seem to have succeeded. While still short an action sequence or so, the new movie is better in almost every way than the original. The action was pretty good, the Surfer was cool, and the story was interesting. It's not a perfect movie, but it was a fun, popcorn movie that was true to the comic. It was a much more enjoyable experience than Shrek 3, Pirates 3 and, to some extent, Spiderman 3.

One aspect I liked in particular was the lack of angst among the FF over having super powers. Frankly, when a superhero gets all whiny about having incredible powers, I want to smack him with a Kryptonite (or whatever, as appropriate) hammer.

Gee, you can fly but it's really tough being you? Shut up!

Jogging

In the summer of 2005, after a routine physical, my cholesterol results were unfortunately high. My doctor, a very cautious sort, immediately put me on Lipitor, then after a few months switched me over to Crestor. But as much as medication, I also needed to get more exercise. I've never been big on exercise, multiple attempts throughout my life always ending after no more than a couple of weeks. So, in addition to a weekly visit to the YMCA, I started jogging at work.

This was a good thing, as that December I was diagnosed with Diabetes, making it even more important to increase my level of physical activity and lose some weight. At my heaviest, I was about 25 pounds over my ideal weight and ideal BMI of 25.

Fortunately, there is a reasonably nice locker room in our building so the logistics of preparation and clean up were easily managed. As far as location, the nice thing about working in downtown DC is that there is an excellent, picturesque place to jog within a block of my office: the National Mall. My route is marked in white on the picture below and in blue on the map.

I start at the corner of the National Gallery of Art and go clockwise or counter-clockwise around the Mall, passing by most of the Smithsonian museums, some great monuments and lots of lots of tourists. The total distance is 1.81 miles which takes me about 23 minutes.

I don't typically look forward to the jog but I have managed to distract myself enough to keep it up every summer. As always, gadgets have been my main distraction. In '05 and '06, after trying an armband, I wore my 3rd gen Ipod in a belt pack. The Ipod bounced so much I had to put it in the pouch upside down to keep the headphone cord from pulling out. This worked well, but the Ipod was still heavy and the belt a bit uncomfortable. Plus, the bouncing would eventually destroy my Ipod.

This summer, I changed to the most awesome mp3 player for jogging ever made: the 2nd gen Ipod Shuffle. This sucker is fabulous. It clips directly onto my shirt and I can't feel its weight at all. It holds 250 songs, enough for an entire summer of jogging without hearing the same song twice, on a flash card so it's not damaged by bouncing. It has actual buttons rather than a click wheel so it's easier to use while jogging. All in all, it's been a big improvement. For the record, I put mostly energetic, upbeat music on my playlist: the B-52's, the Bangles, the Go-Gos, Rush, REM, Pat Benatar.

Recently, I added a heart rate monitor watch to reinforce that the heavy thumping in my chest is actually my heart racing. It's redundant info, to be sure, but again, I'm all about the distractions. (As an added bonus, if I have a heart attack, the EMS guys will be able to use the watch rather than take my pulse, thus saving themselves precious seconds as they zip me into a body bag.) I did have a pedometer for a time but it fell off my shoe. I'm sure I'll pick up another one at some point.

That's my jogging story. I've been happily surprised that I've been able to keep it up so far. I still have a good amount of weight to lose but my cholesterol and blood sugar have been under control for two years now. What's more, while I don't really look forward to jogging, I always feel really good once I'm done. That, plus the ever impending threat of an end to my existence if I stop, is enough to keep me going.

What happens when you add prison to a nutjob?

For those wanting an update on Kent Hovind, aka Dr. Dino, an evangelical young-earth creationist who ran the anti-evolution Dinosaur Adventure Land in Pensacola, Florida until he was thrown into the slammer for "Christian behavior" leading to 58 tax offenses, obstructing federal agents and other charges, his CSE Blog is happy to give us some insight into his current condition. Apparently he's gone batsh*t insane.

Kent Hovind's current "situation"

He is sending his supporters e-mail exchanges he's having with God. It seems that God is using Kent as kind of a "sleeper agent" to bring His word to the inmates. Says God:

GOD: Son, I’ve given you a wide variety of cell mates as part of your training. You’ve had to live with big ones, little ones, loud, obnoxious ones and quiet ones. I put you in with Muslims, Catholics, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jews, Baptists, Buddhists, Nazis, communists, pagans, Wiccans, Methodists, Mormons, and Lutherans.

You have lived with African Americans, Asians, Caucasians, Hispanics, Native Americans, and every mix in between. You’ve seen a wide variety of lifestyles, personalities, diets, beliefs, and various degrees of bodily cleanliness. You have slept on concrete, steel, old bags of cotton, blue foam pads, and two-inch mattresses.

This is quite amazing. Kent has been in jail for less than six months and apparently he's already had dozens of roommates. No one must like rooming with him. Please note that he has not shared a cell with an atheist. Shocking, what with the lack of morals and all, you'd think there'd be lots of atheists in prison.

I love God's weight-loss plan. That's some tough love right there.

GOD: How did you like the prison holding unit in Atlanta, son?
KH: It was terrible, Lord! Worse than the suicide-watch cell in many ways. The food was bad and never enough. I lost five pounds in eight days. They have three men in a 7′ X 14′ room for twenty-three hours a day. The rooms are designed for two, but I wouldn’t keep a dog in one overnight. I never saw the sun for eight days.
GOD: You needed to lose a few pounds, son. How do you feel?

And finally,

KH: I had no idea, Lord.
GOD: You have no idea about lots of things, son. Quit griping and trust Me. I don’t make mistakes.

Apparently, God's kind of a dick.

Small progress

At the first decade of the 21st century, we know more about human sexuality than ever before. Yet rather than educate people so that they grow up to be informed adults, those in favor of "abstinence only" sex education would rather us stick our heads in the sand and pretend that if kids don't know about sex, they'll wait until they're properly married to do it. Statistics (and a brain capable of even minimal thought) will quickly reveal the boneheadedness behind their theory.

Seriously, this really infuriates me. I grew up thinking that knowledge was a good thing. That knowledge was power and gave you choices in life. What the heck is wrong with these prudish idiots?

Montgomery County, Maryland, the county in which I happen to live, has just leaped to the forefront of sex education by changing the curriculum. What was the big change?

Weast made a final addition Monday to the Montgomery lessons, instructing teachers to say -- only in response to a student's question -- that the psychiatric community does not consider homosexuality an illness.

Wow. What a huge leap. The American Psychiatric Association declared that homosexuality was not a mental disorder in 1974. The World Health Organization came to the same conclusion in 1992. It's taken the school curriculum only 33 years to catch up.

It cost him the support of the most conservative school board member, Stephen N. Abrams (Rockville-Potomac), who said he was "extraordinarily offended" to learn of the change Monday night. Post Article

I rarely say this, but Stephen N. Abrams: STFU.

No one (but your medieval-minded supporters) gives a damn whether or not you're "extraordinarily offended" that some of your fellow human beings will be treated with a minimal amount of compassion and dignity. That this may ease a tiny bit of the suffering of gay students who are going through a great deal of grief as they sort out their sexuality doesn't matter to you since they're abominations anyway, does it?

Yes, this is a sad day for the "We Hate Fags" crowd. What will they do now that the only places they can pass their loving philosophy on to their kids is at home and church?

Albanians Love Bush

Holy crap!

If this happened in the US:

1. The Secret Service would be kicking some major butt seconds later;

2. President Bush would never go out into public again; and

3. Those four hands would squeeze together and Cheney would become President.

As they said on the Daily Show, "We're not even allowed to ask the guy questions."

Good Numbers

I had my quarterly blood test last week to check on my diabetes and cholesterol. Happily, the numbers were excellent!

98 Glucose (great)
129 Total Cholesterol (less than 200 is desirable)
135 Triglycerides (less than 150 is normal)
65 LDL (bad) Cholesterol (less than 100 is optimal)
37 HDL (good) Cholesterol (slightly below normal of 40-50)

I need to bring up by HDL, but otherwise, the numbers are very good. I take all my medications as prescribed and have been jogging regularly.

I do this for my children. I don't want to miss a single moment of annoying them by my continued existence.

You'll never know.

Note to Sopranos fans:

As the screen cut to black at the end of Sunday's final episode, questions remained. Was Tony about to die? Was it just a mundane meal followed by a return home? What else is in store for the crime family? Will there ever be closure?

The answer is no. Get over it.

We need a vaccine for stupidity

There is no evidence that vaccinations cause Autism. None. Studies have shown consistently that no link exists. What's more, the mercury-based ingredient supposed to cause autism hasn't been used in vaccines for years. Anecdotal evidence is plentiful, however, because parents of autistic children typically get vaccinations prior to the autism diagnosis, and for them correlation equals causation.

After a decade of anti-vaccine nonsense, the issue is coming to a head. Congress has established a "vaccine court" to judge on whether there is a link or not. This means that scientific validity will be judged not by strict scientific standards, but by a legal standard of plausibility. This is very, very dangerous and a large step backwards.

Check out the detailed article in the Post here.

If the Court rules in favor of the anti-vaccine woo-woos, this would be a terrible blow to public health in America. We will see the reemergence of diseases long held in check. If the Court rules that vaccines don't cause autism, it will be seen as just more government conspiracy, and amount to no more than a temporary setback for those who put their own wacky beliefs before the health of their (and my) children.

Don’t think, just listen and believe

The blog Blue Grass Roots took one for the team last week and visited that abomination to reason, Ken Ham's Answers in Genesis Creation Museum! Read the entertaining travelogue here.

At the start of the museum tour, visitors are advised "Don’t think, just listen and believe." As you might expect, some of the displays at the museum have to be seen to be believed, including an explanation of where Cain (murderous son of Adam and Eve) found his wife.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - A quick review

Loud, frenetic, cluttered, nonsensical, oddly silly and bizarrely surrealistic.

I loved the first one, disliked the second, want to know what they were smoking when they wrote the third. It's like they made it up as they went along (which they did to some extent).

Oh please.

Paris Hilton was released from county jail early Thursday because of an undisclosed medical condition and will serve the remainder of her sentence confined to her mansion in West Hollywood. Washington Post

Confined to her mansion?!?

Stupidity and narcissism are NOT medical conditions. Sheesh.

UPDATED:

I just read the rest of the article. This is hugely hilarious:

If Hilton leaves/flees her home, her ankle bracelet should alert authorities, though it is common for offenders serving home incarceration to be allowed to leave their mansions for necessities such as medical appointments.

Yes, I'm sure a lot of offenders are allowed to leave their mansions.

UPDATED YET AGAIN:

Taken back to jail . . . screaming! That'll learn her.

Chapter twelve: In which I yield to Arianna

I was going to blog about this very subject but Arianna Huffington beat me to it!

Regarding the JFK Pipeline plot we busted last week:

There was no set plan. There was no financing. They didn't have any explosives -- and yet government officials were quoted calling the amorphous plot "one of the most chilling plots imaginable" that almost "resulted in unfathomable damage, deaths, and destruction." And people wonder why the public has become cynical about how the war on terror is being used for political purposes.

Damn you, professional journalists whose job it is to analyze current events and politics! I, a part-time blogger with no training whatsoever, can't compete with you! Curses!

Blast off! For fun and adventure!

Here's a look back at one of my favorite SNL characters of all time . . . Astronaut Jones!

They only did two AJ sketches but they were gold. Capturing the endearing cheesiness of sixties and seventies local TV productions, these are perfect examples of how to end a sketch at EXACTLY the right time.

Episode 8: Voyage to Jupiter

Episode 16: The Creature from Porpula

Beware. The theme song is extremely catchy.

You don't really have a chance of becoming President, but good editorial nonetheless

Here's an excellent editorial by Senator Mike Gravel on the U.S. military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and Hillary Clinton's disingenuous support of it. It's worth a read.

I don't heart Huckabee

Holy smokes! On what planet does Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee live?!?

"But I’ll tell you what I can tell the country. If they want a president who doesn’t believe in God, there’s probably plenty of choices. " Transcript of Republican Debate

Honestly, what choices are there of Presidential candidates who don't believe in God? Name one!

In fact, there is only one Congressman out of the entire US Congress who has publicly admitted to not believing in any god, Rep. Pete Stark of California.

Huckabee then followed up with this bit of wisdom:

"If anybody wants to believe that they are the descendants of a primate, they are certainly welcome to do it."

Let me paraphrase with a statement that makes exactly the same amount of sense:

"If anybody wants to believe that the Earth revolves around the sun, they are certainly welcome to do it."

What a maroon.

Uh . . . Thanks, I guess.

So I'm out jogging today and I notice that the American flags at government building are at half-mast. This is not a rare occurrence lately. In fact, it seems that they're at half-mast most of the time these days.

The problem is, I have no idea who they're honoring. It can't be recently killed American troops in Iraq. The flag would never be at full-mast if that were the case. Has some statesmen died recently?

It's a very nice sentiment and a lowered flag can often be very touching. In the current environment, however, it's just baffling.

Uh, I'd like to get off the bus now, please.

Very disturbing. Very, deeply disturbing.

But by all reports, President Bush is more convinced than ever of his righteousness.

Friends of his from Texas were shocked recently to find him nearly wild-eyed, thumping himself on the chest three times while he repeated "I am the president!" He also made it clear he was setting Iraq up so his successor could not get out of "our country's destiny."

In other recent behavior:

[S]ome big money players up from Texas recently paid a visit to their friend in the White House. The story goes that they got out exactly one question, and the rest of the meeting consisted of The President in an extended whine, a rant, actually, about no one understands him, the critics are all messed up, if only people would see what he’s doing things would be OK…etc., etc. This is called a “bunker mentality” and it’s not attractive when a friend does it. When the friend is the President of the United States, it can be downright dangerous. Apparently the Texas friends were suitably appalled, hence the story now in circulation.

This is not surprising in the least. The pressure on the President is enormous in normal times and these times are definitely not normal. Still, holy crap is this scary.

Good thing this guy isn't in charge of the most fearsome weapons mankind has ever seen.