A brave new (cashless) future?

And so, with the failure of the bailout bill, the United States sails into uncharted economic waters. Honestly, this whole financial debacle is so complicated, there’s no way most Americans will have any chance of understanding it. I know I don’t.

Unfortunately (Or maybe fortunately. Who knows?), trust in the government is at such a low level that Americans aren’t buying into the bailout plan. The bailout may be the only thing that can save us. Or no bailout may be the only thing that saves us.

Either way, it looks like we’re boned.

If you don't get it, you're no Star Wars geek

The other night when I was putting together this post about the financial bailout, I Googled images of Admiral Ackbar.

One of the images was a parody Successories-type motivational poster. When I clicked on it, I literally laughed out loud. Then I laughed the next four times I read it. The matter-of-fact way it reduces the character to a single characteristic just cracks me up.

Check it out here.

Take us out to the ball game

A couple of weeks ago, we attended our first baseball game at the Washington Nationals new stadium. Carol and the kids took the Metro down and I met them after work one evening. The stadium is right off a Metro station so getting there is very convenient.

The new stadium is just beautiful. It’s well-laid out with an abundance of food vendors, both traditional baseball fare and more up-scale restaurants. The layout is easy to navigate. Although the aisles are a bit narrow, the seats were excellent, with an unobstructed view of the field.

As you can see from the pics below, attendance was down because the Nats had a terrible season (worst record in the League). We were glad for the legroom.

Below are a couple of pics taken with my Blackberry.

And if Johnston is then hit by a bus, McCain's numbers will really rise!

"Inside John McCain’s campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby. “It would be fantastic,” said a McCain insider. “You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week.”

McCain camp prays for Palin wedding.

This is cynical and sick. It's reprehensible to hope to use two confused, unready children to further a failing Presidential campaign. They will trade these childrens' futures for a political bounce.

Senator Obama has declared on several occasions that his people and supporters should give Bristol Palin her privacy. Too bad the party of "family values" won't follow suit.

I've got a bad feeling about this . . .

The Republicans have had almost unchecked control of the government for six of the last eight years. They lost Congressional majorities in the 2006 elections and are expected to lose even more seats this year. And there's a good chance they'll lose the Presidency.

After eight years of this "leadership", the economy has tanked and the President has proposed a $700 billion bailout that is supposed to save the economy. But look who's championing the bailout beside the President? The Democratic controlled Congress.

Now we all know that the Republicans are evil geniuses and have mastered the art of Machiavellian political maneuvers, unlike the hapless Democrats. I have a feeling we should check with our resident expert on this one. Admiral?

"It's a trap!"

Yep, thought so.

In a shocking surprise that will shock no one. . .!

Sarah Palin believes that dinosaurs and humans coexisted on Earth!!

Oh. The surprise. What an amazing revelation. It's absolutely unbelievable.

Okay, not really.

True Story

The other night as I was sitting in bed reading, Carol, in her sleep, asked me to pull over so she could go to the bathroom. If that wasn't funny enough, it was doubly hilarious because we had just stopped ten minutes before.

I double dare you!

Come on, Senator McCain! Debate! Debate!

I'm pretty sure that the rest of the Government will be able to come up with a ludicrous bailout plan without your admitted ignorance of economics. You declared your campaign suspended and then did an interview with Katie Couric and a conference with Bill Clinton before you arrived in Washington, just as they announced that a deal had been struck. Since I'm not sure you understand what "suspended" means, I'm hoping they'll ask you that at the debate.

So show up and show us what you've got!

You had me at "you know"

"The logistics that we are already suggesting here, not having enough troops in the area right now," Palin said. "The... things like the terrain even in Afghanistan and that border between Pakistan and Afghanistan, where, you know, we believe that-- Bin Laden is-- is hiding out right now and... and is still such a leader of this terrorist movement. There... there are many more challenges there. So, again, I believe that... a surge in Afghanistan also will lead us to victory there as it has proven to have done in Iraq. And as I say, Katie, that we cannot afford to retreat, to withdraw in Iraq. That's not gonna get us any better off in Afghanistan either. And as our leaders are telling us in our military, we do need to ramp it up in Afghanistan, counting on our friends and allies to assist with us there because these terrorists who hate America, they hate what we stand for with the... the freedoms, the democracy, the... the women's rights, the tolerance, they hate what it is that we represent and our allies, too, and our friends, what they represent. If we were... were to allow a stronghold to be captured by these terrorists then the world is in even greater peril than it is today. We cannot afford to lose in Afghanistan." - Sarah Palin to Katie Couric.

Ah, feel the eloquence. The sure grasp of the facts. The credibility. The aping of Bush's talking points. It certainly doesn't fill me with a desire to run screaming into the streets and find the nearest cave to hide in for the rest of my (short) life.

Now what?

Once again, Bush has pushed his ginormous, Presidential panic button.

“The economy is collapsing, so give me $700 billion and new powers. If you don’t, horrible things will happen to you!”

Of course no responsibility was taken for the awful mess of the economy nor was any source of funding suggested. (After all, they can't raise taxes, can they?) What a shock, the focus of the bailout is on giving the Executive more power.

Good luck with that!

Intolerant doofuses in California have decided that the possibility that the state's legalization of gay marriage won't be overturned in a November ballot initiative have decided to fast and pray that the gay marriage ban will pass.

If that's all they do, then great, those who want to move us all forward into the future have won. Prayer won't do a thing and throwing a tantrum by not eating isn't going to sway anyone.

But, oops, they can't even fast right.

Jim Garlow, the pastor of the evangelical Skyline Church in San Diego County, said he expects up to 100 young adults to spend five-plus weeks on his campus, subsisting on soup, juice and the promise of societal salvation.

Didn't anyone tell them that eating soup and drinking juice AREN'T fasting? Unless this is some sort of lame-ass new fasting with which I'm not familiar. Oh, how will they ever survive on such a meager diet?!? I'm sure they considered an all-out food strike but maybe they realized that most decent people would just let them starve.

Mormon congregations in California are taking marching orders straight from Salt Lake City. A June 29 letter in which the Mormon president asked members to lend support to the proposed amendment has been read repeatedly at church services, along with a 1995 church proclamation that warns: "The disintegration of the family will bring ... the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

Hey, Mormon President. If your marriage(s) is so weak that other people getting married will cause yours to disintegrate, maybe you shouldn't be married in the first place. So just please STFU.

I wish someone would hurry up and invent a time machine so we can ship all these jerks back to the Middle Ages where their beliefs will fit right in.

My previous objections are hereby withdrawn

VP candidate Sarah Palin has now actually MET some world leaders, making her so qualified to be President, I can’t stand it. In fact, this may make her OVERqualified to be President. I mean, she actually shook hands with them and everything! And Pakistan's new President thinks she's gorgeous. That should be a big help. She sure showed that whole “you have no expertise in foreign affairs” crowd, didn’t she?

Of course, since I once saw Andy Richter in an airport bathroom, using these new standards of expertise, I am now qualified to be a sidekick on a late-night TV comedy show. Sweet!

No Hway! Way.

Clay Aiken is gay.


DUH.

Worst. Emmys. Ever.

Holy crap was that a terrible Emmys Award show on Sunday night. The five reality hosts were a disaster, the pacing was horrible and the "recreated" sets on stage were bizarre.

They had the set for the WJM studio and Mary Tyler Moore came out. Makes sense. They had a set like Rowan & Martin's Laugh In and a bunch of surprisingly-still-alive Laugh In stars like Jo Anne Worley and Ruth Buzzi came out. Sure. They had the set of M*A*S*H and Don Rickles and Kathy Griffith came out.

HUH!?!

They couldn't even get Jamie Farr to show up?

The only good moments in the ENTIRE broadcast were Ricky Gervais and Steve Carrel, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, and making the reality hosts wait until "after the break" to find out who won the best reality host Emmy.

Other than that . . . bupkis.

Par for the Course

Recently, it seems like every time you think things can’t get any worse, they do. Now it looks like we can add “screwed up the economy” to the list of the Bush Administration’s awesome accomplishments. I have to admit, it takes real takes talent to screw up things this badly.

I expect the Moon to crash into the Earth any moment.

Thanks for Nothing

Emotionally, I understand the comfort people get from believing in a god. I used to share it. Intellectually, I just don't get it. I suppose that's because it is an emotional belief, not a rational one.

This makes little sense to me: Texans Look to the Heavens as They Rebuild, Heal from Ike

At the end of the day, what rebuilding they can do, what healing they have, will not be from above but from themselves and other human beings, people who will contribute time, money and caring to help them to recover. And in the end, the people who are suffering will reserve their most sincere thanks not to those people, but to their god. The same one who allowed this tragedy to happen in the first place.

"I know it's hard. Looking around, it's tough," the Rev. Eddie Shauberger told the congregants. "But there is a God, and he has a plan for our lives."

Which apparently includes killing dozens of their friends and families and wiping out the homes and possessions of thousands. Nice.

Funnies

Every now and then I check out Cracked.com for their very funny articles. (Okay, I actually read it for the pictorials.) A couple I particularly enjoyed are below.

5 People You've Never Heard of Who Saved the World

7 Things from Pop Culture that Apparently Piss Jesus Off

Palin by the Numbers

Here's a really interesting article fact-checking Sarah Palin. Each claim is sourced. I clicked on this one and was just appalled by the blatant lying (there's no other word for it) of the McCain campaign.

Everything is all sparkly now!

And so it came to pass that tonight, September 19, 2008, a monumental thing happened. An epic, earth-shattering occurrence after which the world will never be the same.

I won my first game of Railroad Tycoon.

I took the lead in the mid-game and never lost it. But it wasn't a pretty win. Among the full complement of six players were three beginners. Even they challenged me. What's more, the final couple of turns were rife with mistakes by others that gave me the win. As I said, not pretty.

But I'll take it.

So that one gets crossed off the old bucket list. Next week, I'll be climbing Mount Everest.

And afterwards, let's lick that frozen flagpole!

Man, I'm beginning to think McCain has some sort of curse or something. His timing is absolutely atrocious. I mean, nobody's luck is this bad. It's almost enough to make one believe in Karma.

"Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation."

This is what McCain wrote in an article in the Sept/Oct issue of Contingencies. Yes, we should work to make more things like banking. A peach of an idea.

I'm really starting to think that he's a double agent for the Democrats and is purposely trying to lose the election.

By jove, I think he’s got it!

Ah, yes, it seems that Presidential candidate John McCain can barely speak this week without saying something problematic. First it was "the fundamentals of our economy are strong" in the face of economic disaster, then it's insulting one of our allies.

The questioner asked several times about Senator McCain's willingness to meet [Spanish Prime Minister] Zapatero (and id'd him in the question so there is no doubt Senator McCain knew exactly to whom the question referred). Senator McCain refused to commit to a White House meeting with President Zapatero in this interview," he said in an e-mail.

So, pick out your favorite lyric (or make up one of your own) and let's all sing along!

Sen. John McCain bizarrely hates on Spain.

Insane McCain knows mainly nought of Spain.

Deranged McCain most plainly disses Spain.

I think he's got it!

Local Radio

This is Ray Bass of WFSH, your roving reporter. Today I’m here outside the Grotto, hoping to get an interview with the King’s youngest daughter. And wait! Here she is!

Princess! Princess! Ray Bass from your WFSH morning show. Do you mind sharing a few words with our audience?

Sure, Ray. I’d be delighted.

Thanks, Princess. First off, let me say that our listeners are big fans! And they’re really looking forward to your first concert next month.

Thanks, Ray. I’m just happy to be -- what’s the word? -- oh, yes, performing.

We all love the royal family and your sisters certainly have quite a lot of talent, but word is that you’re something special.

That’s nice of you to say.

Say, Princess, what’s that gizmo you’re holding?

Oh, this? Isn’t it neat? I found it near the spring. It’s for my collection.

I thought your collection was complete.

Shh! Don’t tell my father, but I’m always looking for more. Say, would you like it? I have twenty-one of these thingamabobs.

Why, thanks, Princess!

No big deal, Ray. Since the loss of my mother, my collection has given me a lot of comfort. It really makes me feel good to find some new whozit or whatzit for study. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going.

We appreciate your talking with us, your Highness. You’re certainly the girl who has everything.

Well, listeners, that’s it for today’s show. Join me tomorrow as I look into rumors of a secret crab infestation in the Royal Palace. Scuttlebutt is that the King’s even appointed one of the filthy buggers to be his court musician. More on this scandal, tomorrow.

This is Ray Bass of WFSH.

Tina Rocks!

This is awesome.

SNL opening - Palin and Clinton

Annoyingly, you have to get past a short commercial. But otherwise, it's butter.

What a shock!

Factcheck.org is a non-partisan group that investigates claims by politicians.

VP Candidate, Gov. Palin, recently made, and Sen. McCain repeated, this claim:

Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that's with the energy independence that I've been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy, that I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, overseeing the oil and gas development in our state to produce more for the United States.

Apparently that's not even close.

Alaska did produce 14 percent of all the oil from U.S. wells last year, but that's a far cry from all the "energy" produced in the U.S.

Alaska's share of domestic energy production was 3.5 percent, according to the official figures kept by the U.S. Energy Information Administration.

And if by "supply" Palin meant all the energy consumed in the U.S., and not just produced here, then Alaska's production accounted for only 2.4 percent.

Also, the frequently repeated claim by McCain that Obama would raise taxes on the middle class and small businesses is flat out wrong.

Factcheck.org has analysis of the claims by both sides, Republicans and Democrats. It's a good resource.

Pope Condemns 'Pagan' Passion for Power, Money

Pope Benedict XVI condemned unbridled "pagan" passion for power, possessions and money as a modern-day plague on Saturday, as he led more than a quarter million Catholics at an outdoor Mass in Paris.

"Has not our modern world created its own idols?" Benedict said in his homily, and wondered aloud whether people have "imitated, perhaps inadvertently, the pagans of antiquity?"

"This is a question that all people, if they are honest with themselves, cannot help but ask," the pontiff said.

Good for him! It's about time he got around to putting the rest of us in our place!

Photographers discover new pose!

All day Friday, as I checked the Internet to see news of hurricane Ike, it was as if all the photographers had the same idea. The headlines were all accompanied thusly.






But this one wins the prize.

Oh, snap!

In the interview, Palin said "I'm ready" when asked whether she had sufficient experience to serve as vice president.

The Vice-Presidency is SO burned!

The more things change

Wow.

Isn’t it amazing how a mere two weeks ago the Republicans were all sneery about Senator Obama’s “celebrity”? Many of the talking heads at the RNC were mocking him for it. (Because if there’s one thing Americans can’t stand, it’s a celebrity.) It’s like the Republicans were a bunch of bitter high-schoolers trying to shame people into rejecting the popular kids.

Now that Gov. Palin has become a “celebrity”, we’re not hearing those talking points any more. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Well, that is, unless you’re a Republican.

ENOUGH!

Mislead public about Iraq invasion
Abu Ghraib
Tens of thousands of American casualties
Suspension of Habeas Corpus
Illegal wiretapping
Overstretched military
Violation of Geneva Convention
Spying on American citizens
Signing statements
Strangling stem-cell research
6% unemployment
Loss of international prestige
Guantanamo
Devalued dollar
Denial of global warming
Politicalization of the Justice Dept.
$400+ billion deficit
Overbroad terrorist watch list
$4 a gallon of gas
Gutting corporate regulation
Weakening the separation of church and state
Worsening relations with Russia
Shooting an old guy in the face
Anti-science agenda
Paying billions to US security contractors
Culture of fear
Katrina response and follow-up
Drowning of New Orleans aka “Heck of a job, Brownie!”

Doesn’t any political party with a record like this deserve to be booted out of office?

If this isn’t sufficient, WHAT WOULD THEY HAVE TO DO to lose your vote?

In which I perform awesome feats of daring

One of my earliest memories involves a giant hole. [Totally obvious joke deleted.]

When I was only four or five years old, we were getting ready to move. My parents were young and just getting established so we had already lived in three different houses. This was to be more permanent; my parents were having a house built in a new neighborhood.

One day, after the hole for the basement had been dug, I was on the lot with my Dad. I was in awe of this huge canyon that seemed to me to be very, very deep. I’m certain that if I saw the same hole now, filtered through an adult’s eyes, it would be much smaller.

What happened next is unclear. I don’t remember whether I jumped in or climbed down the ladder. I seem to remember jumping, but the memory is just too fuzzy to be certain. However I did it, I ended up in the hole. There were several men there, probably getting everything ready to pour the cement. After exploring for a while, I decided it was time to return to the surface.

I don’t remember exactly why, but I didn’t want to climb back up the ladder. I think I was scared. So, with no other option, I started to climb straight up the dirt wall. In a few seconds, I was up top. I remember everyone being surprised that I had actually gotten out of the hole without the ladder. I felt like I had climbed a mountain.

I was supremely proud of this achievement for a long time.

And here I thought we were winning their hearts and minds

What the heck?

The dramatic drop in violence in Iraq is due in large part to a secret program the U.S. military has used to kill terrorists, according to a new book by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Bob Woodward.

The program -- which Woodward compares to the World War II era Manhattan Project that developed the atomic bomb -- must remain secret for now or it would "get people killed," Woodward said Monday on CNN's Larry King Live.

"It is a wonderful example of American ingenuity solving a problem in war, as we often have," Woodward said.
...
The top secret operations, he said, will "some day in history ... be described to people's amazement.

What kind of “program” would enable us to identify and kill Al-Qaeda leadership? Paying off informants? Offering amnesty and then shooting them when they show up? A bait and switch boat sale? A huge butterfly net?

Oh, wait. I know what it must be. Our military has invented the Tantalus Field.

Attention Idiots

The startup of the Large Hadron Collider on Wednesday is not going to end the world. Get over your ridiculous doomsday-fearing selves. It should provide an awesome window into the universe, NOT destroy all life as we know it.

If it makes you feel any better, if the world does end, you'll have the last laugh. And won't I look stupid then?


EDITED TO ADD:

Oh! Oh! You can use this to check: Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the world yet?

My Top Five Games

Following are my top five favorite games as I list them on Boardgamegeek. Choosing any list of top games out of the hundreds I play is really kind of silly. Different games are better in different situations at different times and what may be a great game at a particular time with particular people might be a disaster with different people at a different time. Or something.

Nevertheless, since we humans like to rate things, below is what I have decided are my favorite games.

Please note that Agricola is not on the list. It is a fantastic game and I anticipate playing it for years to come. I certainly rank it among my favorite games but I haven’t settled yet where it will go. Besides, I rate Agricola a 10 and I suspect that I may be a shill. So I’m leaving it off the list to balance out my obvious bias. I will further flagellate myself later.

All of these games are medium intensity, requiring sound strategic choices over the course of the game with important tactical opportunities that must be considered. Throughout these games players develop resources and make steady progress towards victory. All of these games are intense yet fun.

All images from Boardgamegeek.

# 5 - Railroad Tycoon by Glenn Drover and Martin Wallace

In Railroad Tycoon, the goal is to create a network of awesome-looking railroad lines allowing you to ship goods longer and longer distances while taking advantage of numerous tactical scoring opportunities that crop up. There are multiple routes to victory and agonizing choices throughout.

The newest entry into my top five. When we first started playing this game, we played it at every opportunity. A couple of times when we were out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, we would retire to our game room and start playing after midnight. What’s even more notable is that I’ve never won a game of RT. I’ve done really well, in fact I’ve lost several times by a single point, but someone always manages to do slightly better than me. During my first half dozen plays the game frustrated me so much that on more than one occasion, I swore never to play it again. Now I can’t wait to play again and I hope to one day win my first game.


#4 - Princes of Florence by Richard Ulrich and Wolfgang Kramer

In Princes of Florence, players are Renaissance patrons seeking to inspire craftsman and artists to create great works on the player’s manor. An auction for landscapes, builders, jesters and various cards leads off each round followed by the purchase of buildings, freedoms, other cards and the playing of Work cards. Once a work is created, the player must decide whether to take the proceeds in cash to assist in future auctions or to sacrifice the cash to gain victory points, a fiendishly tough decision. The player whose works gain the most prestige is the winner.

A sophisticated theme and a wonderful blend of many different mechanics make Princes of Florence challenging and satisfying. Player interaction is mostly limited to the auctions that start each round but the auctions can make or break your strategy; depriving an opponent of a crucial element of his Work can cost him the game. What I really love about POF is the necessity of intricate plans to produce the highest possible value work at the right time and managing your resources to make it happen. It’s a juggling act, but a heck of a lot of fun.


#3 - El Grande by Richard Ulrich and Wolfgang Kramer

El Grande is the quintessential “area control” game where players place their Caballeros in Spanish provinces, hoping to have multiple majorities when scoring occurs after every third round. There’s virtually no luck, so skill in taking advantage of which action cards are revealed each turn to manipulate Caballeros is key.

El Grande is an awesomely balanced five player game, undoubtedly one of the best five player games we play. Each turn calls for tactical decisions to maximize your action, while simultaneously keeping all of your competitors at bey. Pulling off a double-whammy of taking control of a province while simultaneously knocking an opponent off his perch in another province is incredibly satisfying.


#2 - Euphrat & Tigris by Reiner Knizia

In E&T, the players represent the very first civilizations rising in the fertile crescent. You place your leaders on the map and build civilizations with farmers, traders, priests, and government tiles. Build adjacent to another civilization and you may go to war with potentially devastating results. Civil war is also possible as leaders clash. Build a monument and receive a steady income of victory points, but be careful; too many riches can draw the attention of greedy enemy leaders looking to usurp your position.

The oldest game on my list, E&T is the masterwork of my favorite designer, Reiner Knizia. In the original Hans Im Gluck version, the pieces are beautiful and fantastic, and the play is tense and brain-burning. You have almost limitless options and on any given turn while you play what you think is your best move, you’re almost certain that there’s a better move you could have made.


#1 - Taj Mahal by Reiner Knizia

In another Knizia gem, players represent different political factions in India. Play cards to establish your position in various areas, hoping to build palaces in the current province. Leave the battle when you’re in the lead to collect your prize. Leave when you’re behind and get nothing. Establish chains of palaces for big points or collect province tiles and score when collecting resources.

Taj Mahal is seemingly a one-note game. The mechanics are fairly simple. You do the same thing for 12 rounds and then whoever has the most points wins. So, what’s to like? Turns out, everything.

Taj Mahal is one of the most tense games I play. There’s a definite poker aspect as you play chicken with the other players, hoping they’ll back off while you’re in the lead. Are you bluffing or do you have the cards? Heads-up contests between two or three players can be absolutely devastating to those who stay in too long and end up with nothing. Other times you go in hoping to take one quick palace and end up taking most of the province. Rarely in a game does accurately reading your opponents pay off such large dividends. Best with five players, Taj Mahal is simply a great gaming experience.

And those are my five favorites. (Currently.)

Read this post and I'll send you a free tote bag!

As an occasional listener of “Public Radio” and an occasional watcher of “Public Television”, I am very familiar with the bi-annual pledge drive, that time in which all public stations must go to the public and beg for funds to continue to exist. It’s really somewhat amazing that in these days of hundreds of cable channels, Public TV and radio stations must still operate on such an odd business model.

I confess that I’ve always kind of enjoyed Public TV pledge drives. Back in Indiana, the pledge drive was usually the occasion for Doctor Who marathons or other special programming. (One time, they even ran a Star Trek marathon of the best original episodes.) During the pledge breaks they would talk about the programming and discuss interesting trivia. With their banks of phones, themed donation gifts and guest stars, the whole enterprise seemed a bit like a science fiction convention.

On the other hand, I find public radio pledge drives to be absolutely unbearable. They interrupt the regular programming (for me that’s usually Morning Edition or All Things Considered) and say the same things, over and over and over again. They can’t really spice up the pitch in any meaningful way so they’re reduced to repeating “pledge now” and telling you how much public radio adds to your life. I can’t stand it.

The pledge drive goes on for an agonizing five days and every morning more people call in to make their pledge. Usually the stations meets their financial goal on the last day.

So, here’s an idea for all of you who are pledging to public radio. I think it’s a win-win proposition. First, thanks for supporting the programming. Second, since you know you’re going to make your pledge eventually, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE just get it over with and make your pledge ON THE FIRST DAY! Wouldn’t that be fun? That way, they’ll meet their goal, you’ll feel your sense of satisfaction and purpose, and the stupid thing will be over so I can go back to hearing their liberal, commie, pinko version of the news.

The Daily Show Rocks

Hilarious. Telling it like it is. Why isn't the mainstream media doing this every day?!?

McCain's Speech

McCain's speaking now.

A few weeks ago, Stephen Colbert took some footage of McCain in front of a green backdrop and invited viewers to take the footage and digitally edit it to make McCain exciting. Now, five minutes into the speech and the doofuses at the RNC have had two different backdrops behind McCain: one green and the other blue. They're just asking to be mocked.

Several protesters have interrupted his speech. Every time they do, the crowd starts shouting "USA! USA!" or was it "Four legs good, two legs bad!" I can't really tell.

I only hit you because I love you, baby!

This news totally shocked me. Nearly a quarter of a million kids are spanked in American schools each year. Here we are in the 21st century and some parents still allow their children to be physically punished by a school administrator. What does spanking teach children? I don’t beat my kids and you can bet that if someone in my kid’s schools took it upon themselves to administer capital punishment, I wouldn’t rest until they were fired.

Of course there's a racial component.

The punishment is disproportionately applied to black students, according to the organizations. During the 2006-07 school year, for instance, black students made up 17.1 percent of the nationwide student population but 35.6 percent of those paddled at schools.

Predictably, Dumbass James Dobson of Focus on the Family is in favor of spanking.

"It can be useful for elementary students, especially with amateur clowns (as opposed to hard-core troublemakers). For this reason, I am opposed to abolishing spanking in elementary schools because we have systematically eliminated the tools with which teachers have traditionally backed up their word. We're now down to a precious few. Let's not go any further in that direction."

Yes, because violence is a family value. Don't forget, if you’re not beating your child or letting authority figures beat your child, you’re hurting your child. And that makes you a bad parent.

Worst. Swag. Ever.

One of the advantages of working in downtown DC is that a lot of companies use this market to advertise new products. Several times a year I’ll get off the Metro and there will be t-shirted temps with big totes handing out product samples. I’ve gotten loads of gum (unchewed, which is always a bonus), soap and shampoo, deodorant (Wait a minute . . . that guy wasn’t wearing a t-shirt and wasn’t giving deodorant to anyone else. Hmm.), bottled water, cereal, and even an M&M’s ice cream bar.

This morning as I was raised from the depths of the Metro by one of the few working escalators, I saw a whole bunch of people in yellow t-shirts bearing the words “Change Agent” and carrying big canvas totes. “Change Agent” made me think they were with the Obama campaign. In addition, they were far more numerous than is usual for such a giveaway. Sweet! What manner of enticement was ahead?

I eagerly moved forward to accept my share of the luchre and was handed . . . a card. A laminated postcard. It turns out they were from Research in Motion and the cards direct you to a web site offering “discounts” on Blackberries to government employees. That’s it. No food, no personal hygiene products, no Blackberry, no blackberries (the fruit), not even a coupon. WTF is up with that? I want my monkey-man!

The way I see it, RIM owes me a free sample. I don’t care what it is, so long as I get what’s mine. In the meantime, I have an official corporate grudge against them. Next time I see their t-shirted “Change Agents”, I’ll just keep my nose in my Blackberry and walk on by.

The Speech by Gov. Palin

Tedium. Tedium. Hockey Mom. Who the heck are you again? Oh, yeah, Hockey Mom. Introduction of every single family member. Boredom. Did you name them in the dark? Tedium. Exploitation of newborn in unhealthy environment. Strawman! Strawman! Like you've ever heard of the Caucuses. Sarcasm. Strawman! Lie. Unearned snarkiness. Stepford delegates. Mocking. Lie. Sea of rich white faces. More sarcasm. The End. Oh, the pain. The pain.

In a world . . .

Don LaFountaine has died. Movie trailers will never be the same.

Schadenfreude

-- A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

The announcement of Governor Sarah Palin as John McCain's running-mate was already creating a huge political and media ruckus when the sensational news came out that her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. While I can only imagine the moral outrage that would rise from the far right if Senator Obama had a pregnant seventeen year old daughter, since it's happening to one of their own, they're forced to be supportive and try to downplay the whole incident.

What's ironic is that if the kids had been given proper sex education, something Sarah Palin vehemently opposes, they might have avoided the pregnancy in the first place. It's no guarantee, of course, as teenagers always have and will continue to have sex. But it would have given them a chance. Abstinence-only education is not just unrealistic it's stupid. Teenagers need to understand the biology behind reproduction and need information on how to avoid pregnancy and disease. Refusing to teach these topics is like giving them a driver's license without teaching them to drive first.

Lest anyone think that Governor Palin would be the mother of a single mom, they immediately announced that Bristol will marry the father. A shotgun wedding at seventeen years old sounds more like a recipe for disaster than something that will actually help the situation. These kids made a mistake, but forcing marriage on them won't help and will probably make things worse. Unfortunately, they are from a world with 19th century values, so marriage is the only alternative.

Some conservatives have praised the Governor's support of her daughter, as if surprised. I can't imagine not supporting my daughter through whatever she faces. Of course, the only people who might not support their pregnant teen daughters in the first place are conservative evangelicals who live in a rigid world of repressed sexuality and biblical literalism.

Lots of people, including Senator Obama, have asked people to give the Palin's their privacy as they work through this. I think that's the right thing to do. However, I don't think it's inappropriate to point out that while Governor Palin praises her daughter's choice to keep the baby, that's a choice she doesn't want to give any other American.

Evangelicals are thrilled with Palin. Huzzah.

Not surprisingly, McCain's pandering to the religious right by naming a far right wing running mate appears to be paying off among those who would be more comfortable living in the middle ages and want to take the rest of us with them.

Palin's political résumé meets all the essential tests for social conservatives: She opposes same-sex marriage and providing benefits to domestic partners; she backs banning embryonic stem cell research and has raised the idea of teaching creationism alongside evolution in public schools.
...
Cathie Adams, Texas's incoming national committeewoman, said she is elated to have someone like herself running for one of the nation's highest offices. "It's very exciting to have a person who holds the faith," Adams said after arriving in St. Paul. "I'm sure this is a woman who believes, as I do, let's present evolution and creationism on a level playing field, because when that happens, we know education is happening, not brainwashing, not politics in the classroom."
...
Although evangelicals across the country and those in town for the Republican convention heaped praise on Palin, many acknowledged that they were still researching her policy positions and personal background. Chung said he is focused on the fact that she is "pro-life, pro-family, pro-smaller government," even if he doesn't know to what church she belongs.

"I'm more concerned that the candidate hold the same views that I do than if they have the same religion as I do, though it would be nice," Chung said.

Gee, Cathie, "It's very exciting to have a person who holds the faith." Where have you been for the past 200 years? Since when hasn't the government been run by a Christian? A prominent example of one of your kind of people presided over the last eight years and look where we are.

These type of people have held undue influence in America for too long. They have no respect for open-mindedness, science, reason, other religions, the rights of other Americans or the Constitution. They do not want America to move forward but want to lock us into their narrow, controlling morality, cheerfully worshiping their god in our every act, public and private.

Vote for them at our peril.

Gustav

Well, it's been three years since Katrina. I don't think anyone would have predicted that New Orleans would be given three years to rebuild before another hurricane hit. They've been incredibly lucky. Let's hope three years preparation was enough for the city to withstand Gustav.

Cross your fingers.