Today, a choice.

For Monday, it's either Epcot or Blizzard Beach. I really love Epcot and I'm looking forward to Mission Space again. I'm also trying to screw up my courage to go on Test Track.

Fun, fun, fun

Our schedule for today, the Magic Kingdom! The Haunted Mansion is my favorite ride anywhere, so I'm looking forward to riding it several times. We'll also visit Tom Sawyer's Island, which I've never done before.

In which we arrive at WDW

This morning we arrive at Disney World! First up, Disney's Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM)!

(Please note the tiny "Sound on/off" link near the top of the page to turn off the annoying audio.)

The Vacation 15 and Thursday

Yes, I'm on vacation, and so does the weight gain begin. Ugh.

I always considered Florida to be more sophistimicated than the rest of the south. Certainly, it's no Alabama or Mississippi. But judging from the rampant anti-abortion billboards and the omni-present biblical quotes, it would seem to be just as fundamentalist as any state in the South. Eye-opening, to say the least.

Tomorrow we visit Silver Springs with my Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt is confined to a wheelchair; this type of sightseeing will hopefully be easy enough for her to handle. Ben is really looking forward to the alligators.

The Auto Train

For the third time, we're taking the Auto Train to Florida. It's a fantastic way to travel and very enjoyable. The entire trip takes about 17 hours. You have dinner on the train, go to bed, have breakfast and arrive around 9AM in Florida.

When this posts, we should be moving inexorably down the east coast in a very comfortable state room. Ah . . .

We're going to Disney World!

We're off! We'll be visiting relatives in Florida and then heading for 8 nights at Disney World. Since it's pretty much our favorite place on the planet, we should have a good time. We're pretty excited about it.

I'll try to post every now and then, but it will certainly be very sporadically if at all.

Ewww.

No matter which way you look at it, "Purity Balls" are creepy.

They gave her a charm for her bracelet--a lock in the shape of a heart. Her father has the key. "On my wedding day, he'll give it to my husband," she explains. "It's a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector. He becomes like the shield to my heart, to love me as I'm supposed to be loved."

The key, along with the deed of ownership.

Of course, like all ill-guided attempts to control sexuality, there is a downside.

The majority of kids who make a virginity pledge, they argue, will still have sex before marriage but are less likely than other kids to use contraception, since that would involve planning ahead for something they have promised not to do. This puts them at risk for sexually transmitted diseases.

And of course, now their life is no longer "pure", whatever that means. Here, Sweetheart, have some guilt along with your shame.

Making woo-woopie

Warning: Not safe for children or those with a working brain cell.

Bizarrely enough, Fox News online, that bastion of conservatism, has a weekly sex columnist. Yvonne K. Fulbright is her name and I've read a few columns over the past couple of months. She's not prudish like you'd expect someone at Fox News and usually seems to give some good advice.

In this week's installment, she has managed, in just a single article, to mark herself as a world class nitwit. She also managed to kill off whatever brain cells I dedicated to reading her article. Did you know that sex can lead to paranormal powers, enlightenment and even . . . time travel!!

Behold, in all it's wonder, I present, the Joys of Transcendent Sex.

Cool Tech: Lifesaver

This is all kinds of awesome.

On the outside, it looks like an ordinary sports bottle. On the inside, there's a miracle: an extremely advanced filtration system that makes murky water filled with deadly viruses and bacteria completely clean in just seconds. The Lifesaver removes 99.999 percent of water-borne pathogens and reduces heavy metals like lead, meaning even the filthiest water can be cleaned — immediately.
. . .
The process takes only 20 seconds and is simple enough: scoop some water, pump it through the filter and you’re ready to go. The instructions are displayed in pictures on the side of the bottle, so it can be used by anyone, removing the language barrier.
. . .
Other filters use ceramic pores and can’t catch most bacteria and viruses, but the Lifesaver uses microscopic pores a mere 15 nanometers across — about one-hundredth the width of a spider’s silk — narrow enough to stop the tiniest threats. That means virtually nothing — not even bacteria and viruses — can get through.

The bottle weighs about 1.5 pounds and can filter one and a half pints of clean drinking water each go. Its replaceable filter can handle more than 1,500 gallons of dirty water before it has to be replaced. And since it won’t process any water once the filter has expired, it will be impossible to drink contaminated water by mistake.

Just one Boeing C-17 transport plane full of Lifesaver bottles would provide 500,000 people with access to safe drinking water for up to 16 months — saving millions and saving lives.

Medical Update

For the record, I’m now on my third trial medication for my diabetic neuropathy.

This one is Elavil, an anti-depressant. So far, it seems to be working much better than the last two drugs. I’ve seen no major side-effects to speak of although Carol says it’s been making me grumpy. I told her that’s absurd and to shut the hell up.

RUSH!!!

Special Guests on tonight's Colbert Report were the Candian super-group, RUSH!! They not only played, but Colbert interviewed them and there were Rush jokes throughout the show. Awesome!

Comedy Central will air repeats of the show tomorrow (Thursday). If you like Rush, check it out!

And now, a very special episode

A few years ago we had a problem with ants, the problem being that we didn't want to share our home with them, so now we pay for regular exterminator visits. To monitor whether any insects make it past the chemical wall o’ death sprayed around our house each month, the exterminator puts down glue traps and checks what’s collected on them during his visit. It's a very heartwarming experience.

The other day we discovered that one of the glue traps had been knocked outside of the garage. Tragically, a tiny little bird landed on it and got his wing stuck. Thankfully, he was already dead when we noticed him. I don't think we could have gotten him off the glue and the thought of him being alive while stuck is too horrible to contemplate. Since he was already dead, it made our suffering much less. But I digress. Ickily, there were also some other things stuck to the glue; dozens of flies which had landed to feast on the rotting bird. Serves 'em right.

I’m sure there’s a life lesson in there somewhere, but it’s probably far too disgusting to relate here.

Commuting Costs

Since gas prices have gone all Europey on us, I thought it might be fun to calculate my commuting costs. Every workday, I commute from a town outside of DC into the heart of the Federal Triangle, a total distance of 31 miles. I take the County bus to the DC Metro and take the Metro into work. I get a transportation subsidy from the government and buy a weekly pass for the Metro.

First, let’s calculate the base costs for comparison by assuming I drive to the Metro, rather than take the bus. (There’s no way I’m driving all the way into work, ever, so that’s a non-starter.) I will assume no wear and tear on the car because I can’t quantify it, and I won’t include any passes or transit subsidy.

Car to Metro, round trip, one gallon of gas - $4.20
Parking at Metro lot - $4.75
Metro fare, round trip - $8.50

Total:

• $17.45 per day
• $87.25 per week
• $389 per month
• $4668 per year.
  

Ouch. Fortunately, I reduce this cost by taking the bus and using bus and Metro passes.

Bus to Metro, round trip - $1.35
Metro fare, round trip - $7.80

Total:

• $9.15 per day
• $45.75 per week
• $183 per month
• $2196 per year
  

Total Savings: $2472 per year.

Additionally, one of my work benefits is a monthly $115 Metrochek which I can use to pay for Metro.

So, my final actual commuting cost is:

• $68 per month
• $816 per year.
  

That’s not bad at all.

In which I Godwin myself

If this doesn’t make you tear up, then you are a heartless bastard. Or perhaps a Nazi.

Reality to Dumb Guy: When you do stupid things, stupid things happen to you

Oy.

Last June, Matthew Lincoln was attending an evening service at his nondenominational Tennessee church when he approached the altar where a visiting minister was offering individual prayers for parishioners. Assigned "catchers" were present on the altar in case congregants fainted, fell, or otherwise lost control. When the minister, Robert Lavala, slightly touched his forehead, the Knoxville-area man "received the spirit and fell backwards." Except nobody was there to catch him, Lincoln charges in a $2.5 million lawsuit filed yesterday against Lakewind Church and its pastors. Lincoln, 58, claims that he fell backwards, striking his head against the "carpet-covered cement floor," . . . Lincoln alleges that Lakewind and its pastors were "negligent in not supervising the catchers to be sure that they stood behind the person being prayed for...should they have a dizzying, fainting, or falling in the spirit as had occurred on many occasions before."

Wouldn’t you think that being filled with the spirit would give you some sort of protection? “Spirit” has to be lighter than air, doesn’t it? At the very least it should give you a +4 in your saving throw against falling.

Obviously the guy lacks faith. Otherwise God would have lowered him gently to the floor. Or, maybe he's just wrong about the fundamental reality of existence. Tough call.

America Stinks!

Apparently.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've seen at least three TV ads for different "clinical strength" deodorant/antiperspirant products. Do we really need such strong products to eliminate our stench? Should we perhaps shower more often?

I know it's probably just some FDA process where prescription strength products have recently been approved for the market, but I can't help the sneaking suspicion that the rest of the world is trying to tell us something.

Vindicated

A few years ago, I was very interested in the JonBenet Ramsey murder investigation. I read books about it, followed the news and participated in some Internet groups devoted to discussing the horrible murder of the innocent little girl.

One thing that always bothered me was the large, vocal contingent of people who believed that one of the Ramseys, either her mother, father, or brother, Burke, were responsible for the murder. The theories of their guilt were broad, numerous, exotic and twisted the most innocuous details into evidence of a conspiracy of murder. I believed that the evidence pointed to the Ramsey's innocence and that's what I argued. The Ramsey's had experienced any parent's worst nightmare and then they were blamed for it. I'm frankly amazed that they survived.

Yesterday, additional DNA tests on the clothing JonBenet was wearing while sexually assaulted and murdered confirmed that an unknown male, who was not a Ramsey, had contaminated her clothing with DNA in three separate areas; very strong evidence of the Ramsey's innocence and enough for the Boulder Police Department to publicly apologize to the Ramseys. It's about time.

I don't have much certainty that we'll ever know who killed the little girl, but I will always hold out hope that justice will one day be served.

No-God bless this guy

I have absolutely no problem believing Army Spc. Jeremy Hall who says that the army encourages evangelical Christianity in the ranks.

He served two tours of duty in Iraq and has a near perfect record. But somewhere between the tours, something changed. Hall, now 23, said he no longer believes in God, fate, luck or anything supernatural.

. . .

His sudden lack of faith, he said, cost him his military career and put his life at risk. Hall said his life was threatened by other troops and the military assigned a full-time bodyguard to protect him out of fear for his safety.

In March, Hall filed a federal lawsuit against the U.S. Department of Defense and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, among others. In the suit, Hall claims his rights to religious freedom under the First Amendment were violated and suggests that the United States military has become a Christian organization.

It takes a lot of courage to speak out and be counted among the "enemies of god". Thank you, Spc. Hall for standing up for all our rights.

Review: Funplex by the B-52's

(I actually had made a good start on this review a month ago. Then, for some inexplicable reason, the file on my flash drive became corrupted. Stupid inexplicable errors.)

Before this album was released, the biggest question on people’s minds was whether or not the B-52's had lost “it” in the sixteen years since their last album, Good Stuff. Was it possible to create something good after a sixteen year absence from the studio?

The answer is unequivocally yes; time does not seem to have diminished their songwriting abilities in the least. Funplex stands alongside the best B-52 albums. Their distinctive, energetic, and fun sound is preserved while at the same time modernized. There isn’t a track here I don’t like.

Highlights of the album include the beautiful and lyrical “Juliet of the Spirits”. Does any band in existence have two vocalists whose voices mesh as well as Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson’s? As I said a couple of months ago, the title track, “Funplex”, is fun, fast and even though I’ve played it to death, still fresh. My favorite track is the smooth “Deviant Ingredient”, which is laid back, sensuous and seductive.

Funplex is a triumphant return for the B’s. Here’s hoping they don’t go another sixteen years before their next album.

My brush with greatness

I’ve come across a few famous people in my life. Having attended various science fiction conventions, I’ve seen (and sometimes met) people like George Takei and James Doohan, of course. I saw Gene Roddenberry and actually got to ask him a question. I watched President Reagan give a speech in Boston. I saw Former House Speaker, the bulbous-nosed Tip O’Neil on Capitol Hill. And I saw Jamie Lee Curtis in a bookstore down the street from work. But these pale before my real brush with greatness.

A few years ago, I attended the wedding of a friend in Chicago. I flew into O’Hare, attended the wedding and returned to O’Hare for my flight home.

As I was in the restroom washing my hands, a guy walked in and started to wash his hands close by. With a start of recognition, I realized it was “TV funnyman” Andy Richter. Cool beans! Andy Richter is awesome.

He kind of nodded at me while I stood there trying to decide if I should say anything. I’m not sure if he could tell I recognized him. It was a few months after the cancellation of “Andy Richter Controls the Universe” (one of the greatest sitcoms of the last 20 years) and I thought of asking him if the series was going to DVD. Would that be too sensitive a subject? And what should I call him? Mr. Richter? Andy? Big Andy? I couldn’t decide. Unfortunately, the creepiness of approaching him in a bathroom dissuaded me from saying anything. I walked out and he came out a minute later.

I quietly tailed him as he went to Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant and sat down with a couple of other people. The moment lost, I went on my way.

I’d like to say that I shook his hand and complimented his work. I’d like to say I got his autograph or took a picture with him. Alas, I can only say that I saw him and then stalked him to a restaurant. I am proud of the fact that I didn’t act like an obsessive fan boy and bother him while he was in the restroom.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

Barry W. Lynn Rocks!

Here's an excellent essay about the U.S. government's "Faith-based initiative". I agree with every word. Just a taste below, but you should check out the whole thing.

No, I'm not a fan of the faith-based initiative. That may seem odd, as I am a Christian minister. Let's just say I come from the old school and take what these days is becoming an unusual view: Religion should pay its own way in the world. If Pastor Bob wants to start a ministry, good for Pastor Bob. Let Pastor Bob's congregation pay for it.

The problem with the faith-based initiative is that it's a euphemism. We used to call such things "taxpayer-supported religion." Of course, no one would support it if it were called that. After all, the idea of taxing people to pay for religion is scary. It's what got folks so riled up back in the colonial period. No one wanted to pay taxes to support some other person's religion.

Wouldn't a laxative be more appropriate?

I saw this product for sale at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. One of these doofuses is spoon-bender, Uri Geller.

Nothing like a second-rate fraud to sell your product, is there? Maybe he'll "bend" the hairs off your face. Really, who thought that this tie-in was a good idea?

I lose either way

Here’s a fun game we play at our house. It’s called, “Make Ipecac’s head explode”.

We have a decent-sized walk-in closet, but it’s pretty stuffed. Carol will periodically ask me to clean out some of the clothes I no longer wear so we can throw them away or donate them.

While I do enjoy organizing and keeping the closet lean and mean, I don’t at all enjoy trying on clothes to see if there’s still life in them. So, whenever she makes the request, I procrastinate. She then bugs me about it for weeks. It’s not for everyone, but it works for us.

Procrastination isn’t the biggest hurdle to a clean closet, however. Here’s a conversation we’ve had on several occasions after I’ve finally relented to her constant bugging.

Carol: What’s that pile of clothes on the bed?

Me (proudly): I went through the closet to clean out some old clothes. We can pitch them.

Carol (picking up a ten year old shirt I haven’t worn in six years): You’re getting rid of this? I love this shirt.

Ipecac’s Head: KABLAMMO!

Carol wins!

Blinks. Blinks again.

Huh? If anything deserves a WTF, this does.

The nation's busiest airport dueled with gun rights advocates Tuesday over whether a new Georgia state law allows visitors to carry firearms at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.

City officials in charge of the airport declared it a "gun-free zone" when a law allowing people to carry guns on public transit and other places took effect Tuesday. Gun rights supporters, including a state legislator who helped pass the law, quickly filed a lawsuit in federal court challenging the designation.

They don't see a problem with people carrying guns at airports? They don't see how much more difficult it makes keeping the airport secure? Are these people so afraid that they can't go anywhere without their weapons?

You can't carry more than 3 oz. of shampoo, but these nutters want to be able to pack a gun.