Slavery is back again!

You may have heard about the U.S. House of Representatives passing the Captive Primate Safety Act today.

The House of Representatives voted today to approve the Captive Primate Safety Act (HR 80), with 323 lawmakers in favor and 95 opposed. The bill, which would make it illegal to transport chimpanzees and other primates across state lines for individuals' use as pets, was debated Monday with a vote (initially expected following debate) postponed until today.

It certainly seems an overreaction to one tragic incident; surely there are more pressing things on Congress' agenda. But here's the part I liked.

Section 2(g) of the Lacey Act Amendments of 1981 (16 U.S.C. 3371(g)) is amended by inserting before the period at the end `or any nonhuman primate'.
. . .

(e) Captive Wildlife Offense-

`(1) IN GENERAL- It is unlawful for any person to import, export, transport, sell, receive, acquire, or purchase in interstate or foreign commerce any live animal of any prohibited wildlife species.

Link

What they're doing is amending an existing law by adding "nonhuman primate" to the definition of prohibited wildlife species.

Reading that, it seems pretty clear that it remains legal (who knew?) to import, export, transport, sell, receive, acquire, or purchase in interstate or foreign commerce any human primate. After all, we're not "nonhuman" are we?

This seems a controversial measure, but I guess Congress knows what it's doing. They seem like such a smart bunch.

Disappearing Ink

So the printer is having some issues. That's okay, I'll just "Clean the Nozzles". Here's the level of ink before cleaning the nozzles.

It took some doing, but after four cleanings, the printout is looking better. Let's check the ink again, shall we?

Aaaiyah! What the Frak? It prints out a tiny little pattern after it cleans to confirm that the nozzles are printing properly but that's not nearly enough to account for this massive loss of ink. I understand it uses some ink to clean, but this much?!? Just where is the freakish stuff going?

Good thing ink is so cheap. Oh, that's right, ounce for ounce it's the most expensive stuff on the whole planet. Sheesh!

Cracked: 5 Ways People Are Trying to Save the World That Don't Work

This article is pretty funny about some serious topics. Cracked points out the stupidity in "save the world" schemes like "rejecting vaccinations" and "buying organically grown food".

The funny thing about those chemical fertilizers and pesticides is that they were invented for a reason, and that's to increase food production. Turns out organic farming is pretty damn inefficient. Holding hands and thinking peaceful thoughts does dick all against pests that want to eat your crops and weeds that want to choke them out. The current acre of farmland produces 200 percent more wheat than it did 70 years ago. The same goes for meat and poultry. The chemicals did that for us.

Take them away, and suddenly you're getting less food per acre of land. According to some guy who won a Nobel Prize, we could feed 4 billion people if we went all organic. This sounds great except maybe to the 2.5 billion people who would be left without anything to eat.

You might not agree with all of them, but they're still funny.

I love it when people point out other peoples' foibles. Or something.

Bobby Jindal

The Internet has been abuzz with mockery of the Louisiana Governor's lame "response" to the President's address to Congress. I think this is pretty funny.

New Contender

We have a new contender for Douchebag of the Year!

Thank you, Madam President. You know, this was a difficult bill for me. I voted yes in committee on it because of discussions surrounding the fact that — well, let me just basically say this, it basically modifies the communicable disease laws and it requires the health care providers to test pregnant women for HIV unless they opt out. . . . I’m trying to think through what the role of government is here. And I am not convinced that part of the role of government should be to protect individuals from the negative consequences of their actions.

Sexual promiscuity, we know, causes a lot of problems in our state, one of which, obviously, is the contraction of HIV. And we have other programs that deal with the negative consequences — we put up part of our high schools where we allow students maybe 13 years old who put their child in a small daycare center there.

We do things continually to remove the negative consequences that take place from poor behavior and unacceptable behavior, quite frankly, and I don’t think that’s the role of this body.

As a result of that I finally came to the conclusion I would have to be a no vote on this because this stems from sexual promiscuity for the most part, and I just can’t vote on this bill and I wanted to explain to this body why I was going to be a no vote on this.

That's Colorado Republican state Senator Dave Schultheis who voted against a bill requiring HIV testing for pregnant women. He wants women and their unborn babies to have AIDS s so they will experience the negative consequences of the Mother's "actions". Like getting a bad blood transfusions or having sex. How dare she!

In case he wasn't clear enough the first time, when challenged, he decided to make it more explicit.

“What I’m hoping is that, yes, that person may have AIDS, have it seriously as a baby and when they grow up, but the mother will begin to feel guilt as a result of that,” he said. “The family will see the negative consequences of that promiscuity and it may make a number of people over the coming years begin to realize that there are negative consequences and maybe they should adjust their behavior.”

He WANTS the mother and baby to have AIDS. That'll learn 'em!

I know that there are a lot of people elected to government in the United States but how does someone this cruel, bigoted and ignorant get elected in the first place?

It'll be hard to top this one for Douchebag of the Year. But I'm sure there are many more lining up to try.

The President's Address

I thought Obama's speech tonight before Congress was excellent. Plain-spoken but eloquent, hopeful but realistic. An unbelievable change from the past. Obama clearly "gets it".

Bravo.

Don't fall in

This incredible street art by Edgar Mueller freaks me out. More can be found here.

Anti-vaxxers take note

Still confused about whether or not vaccines cause autism?

Check out this really excellent blog post summarizing the entire controversy. It's long but if you're interested in this subject, which directly relates to the health and safety of children worldwide, you really should read it.

Oscar Predictions

Sorry. Don't care.

(I might care if Wall-E was nomitated for Best Picture, but apparently animated films aren't pictures.)

Looking for faith in all the wrong places

In order to support their beliefs, Christians often claim to find evidence of the value of their faith where there is no evidence. Take this article in the "On Faith" section of the Washington Post.

When Hollywood gives moviegoers entertaining movies with moral values and inspiring stories full of positive faith, moviegoers flock to the box office. Every year the Annual Movieguide® Report to the Entertainment Industry shows Hollywood's decision makers that movies with faith and values do much better than movies that overtly attack traditional faith and values.

Okay. So let's see the evidence that this is true. After all, movies with violence and sexuality do pretty good business.

Six of the most successful movies of the year -- "Wall-E," "Iron Man," "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," "Prince Caspian," "Gran Torino," and "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" -- contained strong redemptive content with positive Christian references.

Oooookay. I'll give them "Prince Caspian" but Iron Man? Indiana Jones? Wall-E? What the heck are they talking about?

The comic robot hero in "Wall-E" is willing to give up his life and the love of his life to save mankind. In "Iron Man," the capitalist playboy Tony Stark gets a new heart, gives up his life as a cad who doesn't care about his country and battles evildoers.

"Prince Caspian" shows that prideful faith in self has to give way to faith in the Christ figure of Aslan, who saves Narnia at exactly the right moment in time. A priest teaches a gruff atheist that love and sacrifice are better than revenge in Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino," which was unfairly snubbed by the Oscars this year. Finally, in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," Indiana Jones hears the words of Jesus Christ in a church as he finally does the right thing and marries his beloved, the mother of his son.

Now I get it. It's the old "anything with sacrifice and selflessness is automatically a Christian reference" trick. It's a ridiculous argument because self-sacrifice is not an exclusively Christian trait. In fact, it's not even a consistent Christian trait. Some Christians, just like some atheists, Buddhists, Muslims, etc. are self-sacrificing. But despite what they constantly tell us, Christianity does not have a monopoly on morality.

Wall-E has nothing to do with Christianity. Self-sacrifice is a universal human value. Iron Man is also not explicitly or even implicitly Christian. And Indiana Jones? The fact that he gets married in the last five minutes in the film makes it a tribute to Christian faith? Have they forgotten that "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" explicitly validates cult beliefs? I haven't seen Gran Torino but the idea that love and sacrifice are better than revenge is hardly a concept that's unique to Christianity.

It must be nice to be so blind to reality that even things completely unrelated to your belief support your beliefs. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

I'll stick with reality, thank you.

New new Battlestar Galactica

This has epic fail written all over it.

Just as the acclaimed Sci Fi Channel series "Battlestar Galactica" enters its final episodes, Universal has quietly entered into negotiations with Glen A. Larson to write and produce a big-screen version of the property he created.

...

The Sci Fi series, under the direction of executive producer Ronald Moore, took the premise and ran with it, incorporating the politics of war, religion, torture and destiny, becoming the channel's signature series.

Moore is not involved in the movie.

The movie effort would have no connection to the series and would relaunch the story in a new medium. However, staples such as the characters Adama, Starbuck, and Baltar will remain.

This promises to be utterly disastrous. Kind of like following the Beatles in concert with a Beatles tribute band.

Idiots Disappointed

Some people with too much time and too few smarts thought they found Atlantis on Google Earth.

For a few tantalising hours researchers appeared to have solved one of the greatest mysteries of the ancient world - the location of the mythical underwater city of Atlantis.

More than 600 miles off the coast of Africa and nearly 3.5 miles below the surface lay a mysterious grid of lines and markings that closely resembled the streets of a city.

The image - discovered on the internet mapping tool Google Earth - lay in an area of the Atlantic long thought to be a possible location for the fabled lost city.

The only problem is that Atlantis is fictional.

Check out the story here.

Woo Hoo!

About time! One of the funniest shows ever produced. Awesome!

Andy Richter Controls the Universe is coming to DVD on March 24!

(The full details of my brush with Andy are here.)

Moral: Work the stomach, it leaves fewer bruises

I received this glurgy e-mail the other day. Gee, I wonder if these events really happened . . .

A beautiful message pertaining to Anger & Love which is quite touching.

NO LIMITS.......
While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. the child asked his father.... 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions....... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches, child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits, Choose the latter to have a beautiful & lovely life ....

Beautiful message? Quite touching? If true, these events would be highly horrific. (Not to mention that the Dad must be really slow not to notice that as he was polishing his car, his 4-year old son was writing a relatively long message on the car with a rock.)

Who would send this around thinking it’s “beautiful” and “touching”? What kind of disturbed mind would even put this ridiculous scenario to paper (so to speak)?

More Good Numbers

Here are the results of my quarterly blood test.

76 Glucose (Excellent)
117 Total Cholesterol (less than 200 is desirable)
130 Triglycerides (less than 150 is normal)
52 LDL (bad) Cholesterol (less than 100 is optimal)
39 HDL (good) Cholesterol (slightly below normal of 40-50)
5.4 A1C (4-5.9 is normal)

Very good numbers. My HDL is still persistently underperforming, however. The most effective pharmaceutical way to bring it up is to take Niacin which is, unfortunately, contra-indicated by some of my other meds.

Hannity doesn't seem to know what "socialism" means

Despite Sean Hannity's shrill, incoherent ranting, the United States has had many "socialist" institutions for as long as we've been a country. Bob Cesca spells it out.

There was Sean Hannity on television: breathlessly announcing the red dawn of "socialism you can believe in." "The New America." He called the recovery bill, "a liberal hijacking of the American way of life." Uh-huh. Hijacking. Terrorists rather than goblins on the wing. I get it. And even though we just wrapped up eight years of the largest government expansion in our country's history, Hannity derided the recovery bill as "the largest government expansion in our country's history."

. . .

Therefore, I'm calling upon Sean Hannity to use his prime time television program as a platform to rally Republican politicians, cable news hacks and citizens alike to refuse delivery of not just recovery bill spending, but all so-called "socialist" government programs. Send it all back. End American socialism now! All of it.

Refuse to send your kids to socialized public schools and universities; refuse to use socialized roads and highways; refuse to call upon socialized police and fire departments; shut down the socialized air traffic control; refuse to visit socialized national parks; tell grandma that her Social Security and Medicare will have to be sent back to the government; demand the immediate dismantling of our socialized American military. Sarah Palin and her supporters in Alaska should refuse all forms of "redistributed wealth" by sending back their checks from the socialized oil program there.

The gauntlet has been thrown. Any chance at all the Republican governors and other ditto-heads will stop using all the socialized U.S. institutions?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

The Silver Lining

This is for those Star Wars fans who hate the Ewoks. Wait. Let me start over.

This is for all Star Wars fans. Please take this to heart.

The millions of tons of debris from the destroyed Death Star would start spirialing into the moon of Endor’s atmosphere and rain down on the planet in short order. Many large pieces would strike the surface with the force of nuclear bombs. This, combined with lesser impacts which might still level forests or kick vast amounts of dust into the atmosphere, would destroy much of the eco-system of the moon and almost certainly produce an environmental effect similar to that which killed off Earth’s dinosaurs.

In short, within a few years of “Return of the Jedi”, all the Ewoks were dead.

Broken Dreams of Sleeping Late

A lonely snowflake
Falling to the ground below
Next time bring your friends

Flight 1549 Conspiracy?

Awesomeness from McSweeney's. Many of these points make more sense than the 9/11 conspiracies they're satirizing.

Mission Accomplished!

The founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has confessed to beheading his wife, authorities said. Link

All this guy needs is a huge banner and an aircraft carrier and he's all set to go.

Coraline

We went to see Coraline on Saturday. I thought it was very good. It tells an unconventional story that defies expectations and is not your typical cute and cuddly animation. That it's all done in stop-motion animation is amazing. There seems to be almost no line these days between computer and stop-motion animation. The former can completely duplicate the latter and the latter has gotten so good it looks like the former.

We saw Coraline in Digital 3-D. It's not a necessary process to appreciate the movie but it does add a layer of awesomeness. The 3-D effect is very cool. There were trailers for three more 3-D movies coming out this year so it's going to be a viewing option for more and more movies.

If you like animation, weird or dark stories, or liked The Nightmare Before Christmas, I think you'll really enjoy Coraline. Plus, it's got "the Brain Guy", John Hodgman. You can't lose.

Best Cameo Ever!

BSG chooses PC!

"Brain Guy" indeed! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

Happy Birthday, Charles Darwin!

Today is Darwin’s 200th birthday and the 150th anniversary of the release of the seminal work that laid the framework for modern biology, “On the Origin of Species”. For an excellent article with an overview of evolution, creationism and Darwin, check out this article.

Article Link

At least it's spelled correctly

Ben can be very expressive, able to muster incredible amounts of energy to demonstrate his pleasure or displeasure. On occasion, we will also express himself through carefully worded notes he leaves around the house. Tonight, we found the note below on his plate at dinner.


Guess he wasn't a big fan of Carol's chicken nuggets and baked beans.

Animated History of the Internet

The following video is a really interesting 8 minute history of the Internet, 1957 to 2009. If you don't know much about how the Internet came about, watch it.

Presidential Visit

President Obama is visiting Elkhart, Indiana, today for a town hall meeting.  Elkhart is my hometown and where we go over the holidays to visit family.  It’s a very conservative part of Indiana and currently has double-digit unemployment.  Doubtless that’s why he selected it to discuss his stimulus plan.  Elkhart is in desperate need right now.

I hope they’ll give him a warm welcome.  

Anti-vaxxers: You're all washed up

Check this out.

The doctor who sparked the scare over the safety of the MMR vaccine for children changed and misreported results in his research, creating the appearance of a possible link with autism, a Sunday Times investigation has found.

Confidential medical documents and interviews with witnesses have established that Andrew Wakefield manipulated patients’ data, which triggered fears that the MMR triple vaccine to protect against measles, mumps and rubella was linked to the condition.

This won't change the anti-vaxxers minds one bit. They're not interested in evidence. If they were, they might have been convinced they were completely wrong when all thimerosal was taken out of vaccines and the rates of autism didn't change. They might have been convinced when study after study failed to find any linkage between vaccines and autism. They might have been convinced by experts who have studied the supposed linkage for years.

The fact that they're still moving the goalposts and still spouting pseudo-scientific nonsense which endangers children is because they don't understand science, they don't want to face the concept that autism might be genetic (and for some reason this makes them feel guilty), and they're conspiracy nuts.

The fact that this Doctor faked his results doesn't disprove that vaccines cause autism, but it does demonstrate that so far, scientific study has failed to find ANY connection. And the failure to recognize this fact has caused children to die for absolutely no reason.

Note to Jews: Stop being so emotional about your fake history

Great news! The Holocaust-denying Bishop says he's going to personally look at the evidence to see if the Holocaust really occurred!

"Since I see that there are many honest and intelligent people who think differently, I must look again at the historical evidence," the British bishop was quoted as saying.

"It is about historical evidence, not about emotions," he added, according to the report. "And if I find this evidence, I will correct myself. But that will take time."

...

"I was convinced that my comments were right on the basis of my research in the '80s," Der Spiegel quoted Williamson as saying. "I must now examine everything again and look at the evidence."

That's sure swell of him. Of course, since millions of photographs, Nazi documents, and the testimony of thousands of eyewitnesses, including the testimony of Germans involved in the death camps, hasn't swayed him, he'll be tough but fair. After all, he wouldn't want to pass any kind of judgment on the Nazis, would he?

So be of good cheer, Jews. A real-life Catholic Bishop is looking into whether or not your relatives really were slaughtered like animals. But please be fair to him if he decides you're just lying to get attention, okay?

Fools and their money

So, what's the way to handle your money in the midst of economic woe? Flush more of it down the toilet.

The housing crisis will deepen, the country could fall into a depression and laid-off workers may need to start their own business.

If this sounds like the advice of a financial planner or an economist, think again. It's a reading from psychic medium Roxanne Usleman.

As the economy tanks, Usleman's business is booming.

"It's more types of people I have never seen before," says Usleman. "Men in the business world, high-powered jobs, stock market, Wall Street."

In which I become a Superhero slightly cooler than Aquaman

Thanks, Eric.


Ipecac and his Sword of Truth.

From the Hero Factory

Now my plan can finally come together . . .

Henchman's Helper

Family in the News

Article on Carol's brother!!

Operation: Zero Cred

To that point, there's no debating the Republican record on the economy. Their allegiance to Reaganomics and free market deregulation have led us to the brink of, well, dogs and cats living together and mass hysteria.

Nevertheless, there they are on cable news and the Sunday shows acting as if they know something. At the same time, they've proved themselves to be dishonest, bad-fath actors in this thing. They've spread lies about fake CBO reports, while also ignoring an actual CBO report on the Senate bill indicating that it would, in fact, succeed in stimulating economic growth. They've spread lies about nonexistent ACORN line items in the bill -- line items that only exist inside of Michelle Malkin's twisted dome. I mean, they met with Joe the Plumber on the Hill this week to discuss the economy. Joe the Plumber. About the economy. Because they're very serious people who ought to be taken very seriously.

And so they should be summarily shut out of this process -- whether or not the president wants them out.

The Republicans have zero cred. Link

Damn straight. Why are the Democrats even listening to these goobers? Bipartisanship is one thing but giving a voice to these buffoons at a very critical time in U.S. history is just asking for more trouble. Let the adults (and I don't count Harry Reid among them) handle the economy and the children can go play with their good buddy Joe the Plumber all they want.

I'm confused

Today, in reaction to the Tom Daschle withdrawal, the President said:

"I think I screwed up," Obama said in an interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper. "And, I take responsibility for it and we're going to make sure we fix it so it doesn't happen again."

"Ultimately, I campaigned on changing Washington and bottom-up politics," Obama said.

"And I don't want to send a message to the American people that there are two sets of standards -- one for powerful people and one for ordinary folks who are working every day and paying their taxes."

What's he doing here? This doesn't sound like spin at all. His language is so advanced, it makes me doubt that he's ignoring reality. What's the deal?

Fibergeddon

My oatmeal ‘sploded in the microwave this morning. Don’t know why, but at least a third of the cooked oatmeal was outside of the mug when I opened up the microwave. I’d hate to be the guy who has to clean up that mess.

Trek Prediction

Here we are some four months before J.J. Abrams "Star Trek" premiers and I'll make my predictions.

(1) It will be a pretty good action movie with lots of cool SFX.
(2) It won't really feel like Star Trek and will drive the continuity wonks (myself included) insane.

Having seen several trailers for the film (check out the Super Bowl commercial here) but so far avoided any real spoilers, that's my impression at this time.

Batman vs. Everyone

This is REALLY funny.