Today in Stupid

It was a busy day at the White House. For stupid.

First up, VP Mike Pence on the "taking a knee" protest at the National Football League and Trump's attempt to stifle free speech.

According to Pence, the use of “national” in the name of the National Football League means players must stand during the national anthem. [...]

“We’ve all got a right to our opinions,” Pence told the crowd, “but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that players in the National Football League to stand for our national anthem.”

He's right. That's why I salute the UN flag and praise Agenda 21 whenever I eat at the IHOP.

And here's El Presidente on the Administration's slow, pathetic reaction to helping the devastated UNITED STATES territory of Puerto Rico and its THREE MILLION AMERICAN CITIZENS.

“We did a great job in Texas, a great job in Florida, a great job in Lousiana. We hit little piece of Georgia. And Alabama. And frankly we’re doing … And it’s the most difficult job because we’re on the island, it’s on an island, in the middle of the ocean. It’s out in the ocean. You can’t just drive your trucks there from other states. And the governor said we are doing a great job. In fact, he thanked me specifically for FEMA and all of the first responders in Puerto Rico. And we’re also mentioning with that the US Virigin Islands. It was totally devastated. So we are totally focused on that.

See? Puerto Rico is on an island. In the middle of an ocean. Of course! Why didn't I see that? No wonder we can't drive those trucks up to it. We'll have to figure out some way to get trucks to, I don't know, move over the water without sinking, to deliver stuff. It'll be the most awesome invention ever!

“We’re going to do far more than anyone else would ever be able to do. And it’s being recognized as such.”

Ah, I feel so much better. Trump is being recognized now for going to do far more than anyone else ever could, once he does it.

That makes perfect sense. 

Thank God for Trump getting praised! I thought we were in real trouble for a minute.