It's time to play "Spot the Idiocy!"

Here's some fun dialogue from last night's Republican debate!

Cooper [Moderator]: I do have to though press the question, which -- the question was, from the viewer was? What would Jesus do? Would Jesus support the death penalty?

Huckabee [Idiot who's ducking the question]: Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office, Anderson. That's what Jesus would do.

If only Jesus had run for Roman Emperor! What a difference he could have made! Admittedly, some lions might have gone hungry, but Jesus would have known to invade the Barbarians over there (Asia and Northern Europe) so the Romans wouldn't have had to fight them over here (Rome). And Jesus absolutely would have pre-emptively stopped the Parthian Empire from acquiring cataphract technology, unlike that total wuss Hadrian.

Tancredo: The question is: What would Jesus do? Well, I'll tell you this. I would pray to him for the wisdom and the courage to do the right thing. And I believe that with prayer, he would give it to me. And I believe that justice was done in the situations that the governor has explained. And, as I say, I look to him for guidance in all those kinds of situations.

Yes, I am sure Jesus would have given you the wisdom to put the guy to death. I'm certain his exact words would have been, "Hey, Tancredo. Fry the sucker."

Romney: I'm proud to be pro-life, and I'm not going to be apologizing for people for becoming pro-life.

That is, until I win the nomination and need to start appealing to someone other than the far right wing of the Republican party. At that point, BOY, will I be apologizing.

In response to a question about gun control:

Hunter: Well, first I've got to inform Jay that as a guy who got his first hunting license at the age of 10 and really believes in the right to keep and bear arms, and used them in the military, as my son did in Fallujah, you should never throw a gun to a person. He should have taken that gun handed-off from his fellow hunter. So you have to be safe with guns, Jay.

Uh, what the heck are you talking about? I mean, huh? And who the heck are you again?

When asked if they believe the Bible is true:

Giuliani: I think there are parts of the Bible that are interpretive. I think there are parts of the Bible that are allegorical. I think there are parts of the Bible that are meant to be interpreted in a modern context.

Of course, the fact that every sect interprets every part differently isn't a problem. Let's see if the Minister can shed any light.

Huckabee: Sure. I believe the Bible is exactly what it is. It's the word of revelation to us from God himself. And the fact is that when people ask do we believe all of it, you either believe it or you don't believe it. But in the greater sense, I think what the question tried to make us feel like was that, well, if you believe the part that says "Go and pluck out your eye," well, none of us believe that we ought to go pluck out our eye. That obviously is allegorical.

But the Bible has some messages that nobody really can confuse and really not left up to interpretation. "Love your neighbor as yourself."

So pluck out your own eye is allegorical, but homosexuality is an abomination is not. And when it says plainly and clearly that eating shellfish is an abomination or that disobedient children should be stoned to death, well then . . . um, next question?

When questioned about Iraq, McCain was suddenly possessed by the President. A cool thing, to be sure, but the spinning head got a little distracting.

McCain: Well, I would do a lot of things, but the first and most important and vital element is to continue this surge which is succeeding and we are winning the war in Iraq.

Cooper [Moderator]: Thirty seconds, Congressman Hunter. The question is, how do you repair the image of America in the Muslim world?

Hunter [some guy who wandered onto the stage]: Cooper, Cooper, very simply, to the critics of America I would say this. When you were faced with disease and starvation, the Americans brought food and medicine. When you had earthquakes and tsunamis and floods, the Americans came and helped you. And when you were threatened from outside, the Americans left the safety of their own homes to come and defend you.

I will never apologize for the United States of America.

So screw you, Blacks, Japanese and especially you whiny Native Americans!

Brigadier Gen. Keith Kerr (Ret.): . . . I want to know why you think that American men and women in uniform are not professional enough to serve with gays and lesbians.

Hunter [watch for me at my concession party]: General, thanks for your service, but I believe in what Colin Powell said when he said that having openly homosexual people serving in the ranks would be bad for unit cohesion. The reason for that, even though people point to the Israelis and point to the Brits and point to other people as having homosexuals serve, is that most Americans, most kids who leave that breakfast table and go out and serve in the military and make that corporate decision with their family, most of them are conservatives.

They have conservative values, and they have Judeo-Christian values. To force those people to work in a small tight unit with somebody who is openly homosexual goes against what they believe to be their principles, and it is their principles, is I think a disservice to them. I agree with Colin Powell that it would be bad for unit cohesion.

I believe this bit of logic speaks for itself.

And now I have a big headache.