You're number two. Heh heh heh heh heh.

Numerology, the system of belief whereby numbers are associated with the physical universe, is an ancient idea that's stupid on a number of levels. Let's look at the main one: the cherry-picking of numbers in order to find some mystic "connection".

On a daily basis, how many numbers do you use or encounter that are significant in some way? Here are just some of mine (please note that for times, the hour or the minute can be used):

6:53 - The time my alarm goes off.
7:00 - The time I drag myself out of bed.
7:28 - The time I have to leave for the bus.
7:33 - When my bus is supposed to arrive.
8:45 - When I'm supposed to arrive for work.
302 - My office number.
202-3**-27** - My work phone number.
01-02-65 - My birthdate.
44 - My age.
11 - My son's age.
14 - My daughter's age.
63 - My mother's age.
4 - Number of people in my family.
301-9**-**69 - My cell phone number.
301-9**-**23 - Our phone number.
2062 - The extension of my friend.

I could go on and on. To a numerologist, these random numbers apparently tell the universe something about me. Let me try.

My age is 44 years old. Divide that by the number of people in my family and you get 11. My son is 11 years old. If you add up the last two digits of the year I was born you get 11. When I was 11, I learned that PSYCHICS WERE MORONIC BLOODSUCKERS PREYING ON THE AGGRIEVED.

Case in point:

When Glynis McCants looks at Michael Jackson's life, she sees the number five.

Jackson's talent was discovered when he was 5 years old, he came to fame as a member of the Jackson 5 and he planned a series of 50 concert dates in London, England, as part of a comeback tour before he died on June 25 at the age of 50.

For McCants, a noted numerologist and author, those facts are very telling: "Five is the number for drama, and it was in his life his whole life."

For many fans, the lure of Michael Jackson as a performer and pop icon was magical. Those who deal in the paranormal are tuned in to that magic.

Really? You're going to go with the number 5 for Michael Jackson? What a huge stretch, not at all obvious.

McCants -- who has appeared on nationally syndicated television and radio shows and is known as the "Numbers Lady" -- said that by taking Jackson's birth date (August 29, 1958, or 8/29/1958) she could chart his personality.

Ah, so doesn't that mean that every single person born on that day should have the SAME personality? And how hard is it to chart the personality of an internationally famous celebrity?!?

And despite all of Jackson's troubles, Conner said he believes the star will have an opportunity at success and fame again.

Unlike other souls that stay in the nonphysical realm anywhere from 70 to 150 years, he said, he believes the singer's soul will return quickly -- within the next 20 years -- because Jackson was such a perfectionist that he will want to "pick up where he left off."

It is really depressing that morons like this get national acclaim, fame and money by peddling utter stupidity.

But another psychic consultant thinks she's moving too fast.

Rourke said he fully expects people to come forward claiming to have communicated with Jackson, but that any credible professional psychic or medium will not attempt to connect with Jackson for at least six months to a year and will only do so at the behest of a family member or an intimate friend of the singer.

Thanks. Now it all makes sense.