And stop being so handsome and articulate too!

Flush with their successful exposure of the recent scandal, “President-wants-to-encourage-kids-to-stay-in-school-GATE”, Republicans are focusing on another troubling attempt by the President to win the hearts and minds of American schoolchildren.

“Have you seen what the President did today? He traveled in a TOTALLY COOL helicopter to get to the United Nations. That thing took off right from his back yard! I mean, how can anyone compete with that? You could even see him waving from the window! My kids can’t resist that kind of cool,” said Congressman Richwell Offman (R-Texas).

“This type of brainwashing, which I should note they used to do in the Soviet Union, is just outrageous. Doesn’t he know that by teaching children who the President is, what he stands for and demonstrating his awesome helicopter, these poor brainwashed kids won’t have time for all three weekly church services or to watch their daily six hours of Fox News? Apparently this clown doesn’t understand that he’s only the President of the children of the people who voted for him.”

“It would be awesome to get a ride in that helicopter, though,” he added.

Yesterday, 100 House Republicans co-sponsored a bill requiring the President of the United States to drive an AMC Gremlin to all events.