Coming Out: Aftermath

Continued from Part 3.  Here's Part 2.  Here's Part 1.

So after a long, slow evolution of my beliefs and a lot of thought, I was free of religion. What did that mean?

One of the first things I noticed was that suddenly almost EVERYTHING made more sense, especially if it pertained to religion or a previous viewpoint predicated on religion.

The existence of evil in a world created by a beneficent god (theodicy) is difficult for religion and theists have come up with all sorts of convoluted justifications. What type of loving God would allow the holocaust, for example? If God couldn't stop the Holocaust then he's not all-powerful, and if he wouldn't stop it then he's not benevolent. But if there is no god, the existence of evil in the world is simple to understand. People aren’t perfect, some are selfish, they have competing interests and some act on those interests by hurting others. We call that evil. 

Other religion-inspired questions also fall away. Why did God stop appearing to people after the book of Revelations was written? Why do some parts of the Bible/Koran/Torah contradict other parts? Why would an omniscient God create humans that he knew beforehand were going to betray his command only to destroy them a few generations later with a flood only to have them immediately betray his command again (and why would he blame that failure on his creations and, even more ridiculously, their descendants)? If Jesus died to pay for my sins, then why do I still need to ask forgiveness? Why does sin still exist after the crucifixion? How does God allowing humans to torture Himself on a cross and kill Him for a short period of time allow Him to forgive us for “sins” which were defined by Him in the first place? What prompted God’s personality change between the Old and New Testaments? Why does God care if Muslims are pointing towards Mecca when they pray? Why would God really care if I dance/flirt/show my face/masturbate? Why does Ganesh have so many arms? What kind of psychotic mind would come up with a universe where you are given eternal pleasure for blind faith but eternal torture for petty “sins” that harm no one?

All of the above are easily answered once you stop assuming that your particular Holy Book was written by God and the events in it are true. As religious works are created by imperfect man, all of the inconsistencies, prejudices, hate, silliness and contradictions are as easy to understand as why the eggs were Green in Green Eggs and Ham. Answer: they’re fictional.

Of course, once I was free of the religious filter I also had a desire to share that freedom. The question was who to tell.

I couldn’t tell my family; Carol was regularly attending church with the kids and I knew the news might shake things up. I certainly couldn’t tell my Mom or Brother, both of whom are far more religious than me. I didn’t even know which friends I could talk to, although I knew I could confide in a couple who were already atheists.  (Thanks AHTitan and Eric H).

After some time, I finally decided to come out to my Father. He had never gone to church with the family when I was growing up and never expressed any religious sentiments. For all I knew, he could already be an atheist. I called him late one night.

To say the call went badly is about right. He seemed pretty upset that I was no longer a believer, asking me what I did believe in, as if some superstitious belief is necessary. He didn't seem to think that I could have any morality without religion. Basically, he trotted out all the worn cliches that believers think of atheists. I was shocked.  Unfortunately, being new to atheism, I really didn't defend my lack of belief very well and I still feel a little frustrated at my performance that night. But at least I had told someone.

My Dad did suggest one thing that I followed for some time. He asked me not to tell my Mom.

Not being particularly shy about my opinions in certain contexts, it soon became clear to Carol that I was no longer looking favorably on religion. One night while we lay in bed she asked me if I was still a believer. I told her no and she told me she thought that was sad. I don't think it was sad at all. She suggested that the events of 9/11 had messed me up but I told her it had nothing to do with that. Other than that, though she seemed to accept it.

Over time, the rest of my family has learned of my lack of belief. It took years but it became clear to my Brother and my Mom when I questioned their beliefs, exhibited anger at hypocritical political Christians or didn't participate in family prayers. When they saw my blog, of course, there was no longer any doubt.  To their credit, they both seem to have accepted it to the extent that they don't bug me about it.

 

Now I wear the scarlet "A" on all my jackets to exhibit my lack of belief.  When my Father recently asked me what the "A" was and I told him, he asked me why I would want to identify myself with atheists the same way someone would ask you why you want to associate with pedophiles.  I told him that it was to educate people that atheists are normal people, not to be feared.  He seemed to think that was not a worthy goal, at the same time that he was validating it by suggesting I hide my disbelief.

 

Last year, a colleague at work noticed the "A" on my jacket and asked me what it stood for.  When I told her, she recoiled visibly and, I kid you not, said "Evil!"  We then had a conversation where I assured her that I didn't eat babies or rape Christians, I just didn't believe in any gods.  I thought it went well and it's never become an issue.

When you give up decades of religious belief, I think there are some natural stages you go through. For years I was really angry at religion for wasting so much of my time and informing so many of my misguided opinions. I've gotten to a more accepting place now, but I'm still angry at the huge waste of time and expense most Americans devote to religion and it absolutely annoys the crap out of me when people blather on about what God wants without actually thinking things through themselves. Because at the end of the day we all know they're going to do what they want anyway and just pretend that God guided them. Okay, maybe there is only one stage and I'm still there.

 

There is one thing that's certain, and that's that I'm never going back to belief.  Once you stop believing in Santa Claus, can you ever believe again?

I've found that quite a few of my friends are atheists, something which has pleased me no end. I've also had a few friends who have become atheists recently. I hope some of that is due to my influence.
 

I arrived at non-belief solely through thought and reflection.  I think that's a little unusual and I'm proud of it.  Some atheists are born into families who don't believe and while I'm sure they've given non-belief a LOT of thought, something I think almost all atheists do, it was probably easier for them.  And some atheists, bizarrely to me, become disbelievers through bad things that happen to them.  I don't really understand how that works, but I realize that some people do give up their beliefs when confronted with tragedy.

 

I'm sure many religious folk pity me, thinking I'm missing out, that something is just not right in my "spiritual" life.  But I feel great about my decision.  Living with a rational, realistic view of the world, unfiltered through cloying, suffocating religious belief, gives my life a clarity I've never had before.

 

I have found enlightenment and illumination.