Excerpt from the French News Service.
POLICE REPORT
Local Gendarmes from a small French village on the Pyrenees have reported some unusual recent activity. Local huntsman and popular man about town, Gaston, disappeared last week without a trace after being seen arguing with a local girl. Locals interviewed about the matter have been uncooperative and police suspect foul play. Police haven't been able to locate the girl for questioning, but suspect she may have fled town with her lover. Without any evidence of a crime, police speculate Gaston may have been attacked and killed by local wolf packs known to frequent the woods where he regularly hunts.
In a seemingly unrelated incident, a local man, identified only as Jean-Claude, was killed last week in a freak accident in a local castle. Jean-Claude, under the employ of the Prince who owned the castle in an unspecified job, was killed when the kitchen ceiling fell in on him, crushing him instantly.
The head of the castle staff, Cogsworth, told police that while Jean-Claude was "As dumb as a brick," the entire castle staff who are "most assuredly not inanimate objects," is in mourning over the tragic accident. The incident happened just after a freak storm blanketed the castle in a thick fog.
Jean-Claude's family, contacted by this newspaper, expressed surprise at the news of his demise. "Jean-Claude? I had totally forgotten about him," said his mother. "I haven't seen any trace of him in ten years and I never missed him, apparently."
Regional reporters who went to the castle to conduct further inquiries were told that the Prince had no comment and was busy preparing for his upcoming wedding to an unspecified person.
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