The key part of the plan: "Hey, look over there!"

So if you don't know about the idea for the government to mint a coin worth one trillion dollars to avoid the stupid debt ceiling, you can read about it here. It's a clever idea and, apart from seeming silly, has no real downside.

But it will never succeed.

Because if they do mint the coin, I am already prepared. I have been working for weeks on the details of an elaborate heist.

I plan to steal the $1 trillion coin!

(Unless Nicolas Cage beats me to it.)

Once I have the coin, my friends will be amply rewarded and my enemies punished. Once I get change for the coin, that is. Of course, I can't go to a bank because they'll be looking for it, so I'll probably just go to a McDonald's or Wal-Mart, buy something cheap and get the change there. And no one will be the wiser.

[Insert maniacal laughter here]