Scientology: Now with Cruise Control!

Tom Cruise appears in some Scientology recruitment videos that were recently pulled off the Internet because people were starting to notice and mock them. Scientologists don't like it when people notice their craziness.

Anyway, thanks to Gawker, here's a transcript of one part of one of the videos, as delivered by local alcolyte, Tom Cruise.

When you're a Scientologist, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you're the only one who can really help. We are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind.... We are the way to happiness. We can bring peace and unite cultures. Now is the time. Being a Scientologist. People are turning to you. If you are a Scientologist, you see things the way they are, in all their glory, in all their complexity... It's rough and tumble. It's wild and woolly. It's a blast. It really is. It is fun. Because damn it, there is nothing better than going out there and fighting the fight, and suddenly you see -- boom! -- things are better. I want to know that I've done everything I can do, every day... I do what I can. And I do it the way I do everything.

Yikes.

When your introductory videos sound like they're trying to brainwash anyone who watches them, you just might be . . . a crazy cult.