Punxsutawney Phil Must Die!

Okay, not really. But something must be done.

Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog, to great cheers from the crowd, supposedly didn't see his shadow this week, signaling an early spring. This event always bothers me for reasons beyond the fact that rodents don't have any scientific training in climatology.

First of all, I like winter and don't want an early spring. It's winter, dammit. I want it to be cold and snowy.

Second, we've had mild winters for many years now and to hear people cheer like we're being liberated from the Nazis is stupid. It's been a mild winter, so who cares if spring is coming early? It was seventy degrees earlier this week, it's frickin' spring already.

And finally, the reason our winters have been so crazy is because of global warming. The same global warming that's going to kill our crops, flood our coasts and is already causing unbelievable human misery. Cheering it just seems rather douchy.