A Subtle Play in One Act

A man, PARACK, and a woman, WILLARY, are playing Monopoly.

PARACK
Willary, it’s your turn.

Willary rolls the dice and moves the battleship piece.

WILLARY
One-two-three-four. North Carolina Avenue.

PARACK
Woo hoo! With my hotel, you owe me $1275!

Willary hands over all her money.

PARACK
That’s four hundred. If you mortgage all your property, that makes another five-hundred and fifty. Looks like this game is over.

WILLARY
No it’s not.

PARACK
Excuse me?

WILLARY
It’s your turn.

PARACK
You’re bankrupt. All your properties are mortgaged.

WILLARY
I’m moving forward, straight to victory.

PARACK
No, you have no resources. You’re done.

WILLARY
I owe it to Indiana Avenue to continue.

PARACK
Is this like the time you burned that pie because you wanted to give all 350 degrees in the oven a chance to be heard?

WILLARY
I can’t quit now. It’s your turn.

PARACK
I don’t think you understand how this works. Once you run out of money and have mortgaged all your properties, you’re finished. Out. Kaput.

WILLARY
As the only woman playing this game, quitting before the end would be a huge insult to all the women who supported me during my purchase of St. James Place.

PARACK
I’m sorry, I didn’t hear all that. I’ve already started a new game with McBain.

WILLARY
That reminds me. We have to finish last week’s game of Risk. You left before it was over.

PARACK
You had no territories and no armies left!

WILLARY
The tide was turning. There’s a lot of that game left to play. The people of Yakutsk deserve to be heard.

PARACK
Remind me never to play with you again.

AMERICAN PEOPLE
Amen!


THE END


Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.