Thursday, June 14, 2007

What happens when you add prison to a nutjob?

For those wanting an update on Kent Hovind, aka Dr. Dino, an evangelical young-earth creationist who ran the anti-evolution Dinosaur Adventure Land in Pensacola, Florida until he was thrown into the slammer for "Christian behavior" leading to 58 tax offenses, obstructing federal agents and other charges, his CSE Blog is happy to give us some insight into his current condition. Apparently he's gone batsh*t insane.

Kent Hovind's current "situation"

He is sending his supporters e-mail exchanges he's having with God. It seems that God is using Kent as kind of a "sleeper agent" to bring His word to the inmates. Says God:

GOD: Son, I’ve given you a wide variety of cell mates as part of your training. You’ve had to live with big ones, little ones, loud, obnoxious ones and quiet ones. I put you in with Muslims, Catholics, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jews, Baptists, Buddhists, Nazis, communists, pagans, Wiccans, Methodists, Mormons, and Lutherans.

You have lived with African Americans, Asians, Caucasians, Hispanics, Native Americans, and every mix in between. You’ve seen a wide variety of lifestyles, personalities, diets, beliefs, and various degrees of bodily cleanliness. You have slept on concrete, steel, old bags of cotton, blue foam pads, and two-inch mattresses.
This is quite amazing. Kent has been in jail for less than six months and apparently he's already had dozens of roommates. No one must like rooming with him. Please note that he has not shared a cell with an atheist. Shocking, what with the lack of morals and all, you'd think there'd be lots of atheists in prison.

I love God's weight-loss plan. That's some tough love right there.

GOD: How did you like the prison holding unit in Atlanta, son?
KH: It was terrible, Lord! Worse than the suicide-watch cell in many ways. The food was bad and never enough. I lost five pounds in eight days. They have three men in a 7′ X 14′ room for twenty-three hours a day. The rooms are designed for two, but I wouldn’t keep a dog in one overnight. I never saw the sun for eight days.
GOD: You needed to lose a few pounds, son. How do you feel?

And finally,
KH: I had no idea, Lord.
GOD: You have no idea about lots of things, son. Quit griping and trust Me. I don’t make mistakes.
Apparently, God's kind of a dick.


Anonymous said...

I'm speechless. Apparently, even God doesn't like this guy.

Ipecac said...

Can you imagine having to be in contact with this loon for days at a time? I wonder if he ever shuts hit pie-hole. That's cruel and unusual punishment, that is.

ahtitan said...

He should jump on his Brontosaurus and ride right outta there!

Anonymous said...

I do believe I should register

Just in case.